xopl.com

xopl (#001)

Name: Xopl
Email: me@XOPL.com
Locale: Minneapolis, MN

Profile: I'm cap'n of this here ship. Arrrrrrrr.

Favourite colour: xarblox

Comments History

I didn't have any free time.

Wow I dunno "omghi2u" ... maybe I draw some distinction between magical furry animals and human beings?

And if some men in a documentary managed to fashion their testicles into some sort of giant sailboat, you are goddamn right it would be a must-see for all.

That shit would be impressive!

The reason this is all so fantastic and hilarious is precisely because Americans are so uptight about sexuality.

And having grown up in the US, there is something truly magical about watching somebody get beat down by giant testicles.

I'm sorry that some of you who have vastly superior cultural understanding and comfort with your sexuality don't apparently also have a very well developed sense of humor.

The American Civil Liberties Union responded today to a stunning new report that the NSA has effectively revived the Orwellian "Total Information Awareness" domestic-spying program that was banned by Congress in 2003.

http://www.aclu.org/privacy/gen/34441prs20080312.html

ballsballsballsballs

Also:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5lu4mtChW8

"They create heroic identities with names like Black Arrow, Green Scorpion, and Mr. Silent, and wear bright Superman spandex or black ninja suits."

Much like early Batman or Spiderman, I bet they are also viewed as enemy by the police. Hope they can afford bullet proof vests. Cops don't view people running around in ninja suits nicely these days.

not old enough

How hard is it for congress to hold hearings where they start with Kiriakou asking the question "who okayed torture" and work their way up?

Well... except for that whole little problem where THEY okayed it themselves.

"Preliminary indications are that the fire may have started in a room housing electrical or telephone equipment, adjacent to Vice President Dick Cheney’s ... office suite"

http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/12/19/fire-in-office-building-next-to-white-house/

Ohhhhh. Telephone equipment. Now I get it.

When you're pumping all of the phone calls of every American into Cheney's office so he can listen to them, you should use proper wiring.

Man... Cheney is trying REALLY hard to get the torture cover-up out of the news today:

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2007/12/19/kucinichs-brother-found-dead/

With 110 robots showing up, it was an even bigger success than I predicted!

NO! THAT IS NOT OKAY!

also... I like that my pasSWORD icon is still Zorked out.

tanooki?

You mean Tanuki? Like in Mario 3? The Tanuki suit let mario fly and turn to stone.... no giant magical testicles, though.

Man, that would have been a different game...

It should be noted that I've come to realise that Nobuo Uematsu borrowed heavily from "Flight of the Bumblebee" in his "Dungeon" music for FF1, and he borrowed heavily from the first movement of Op. 75 by Antonín Dvo?ák for his "Castle Cornelia" music.

you bought from an undercover?

or you bought ditch weed from a hobo?

Well, they don't trip the metal detector, the xray machine, or the bomb chemical tests... but just one dog sniff, one unlucky day, and you'll wish you listened to your friends.

ennui bot?

It would be totally elevens if everybody starting saying "taking a Klobuchar."

Yeah... it's not like there was a frickin Discovery Channel special about how if a hurricane over category 3 hit New Orleans the levies and the pumps would fail.

Just like then, they knew what could happen, and they weren't willing to pay to fix it. Tax cuts for people who make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year are more important.

I'm ok.

More LOLcats of death:

http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/7060

high-larious!

Well well well... CNN is reporting that the TSA announcement was bogus. Yes, that's right.

http://rawstory.com/news/2007/TSA_dry_run_terror_alerts_bogus_0727.html

Only, they are reporting it at 6:30 am in the fucking morning on a Saturday and didn't post anything about this on their website.

Manipulate Americans with fear, and then to cover your ass, issue a correction... only do it at a time and in such a way that most average Americans only hear the fear story not the correction.

Added bonus: see the little old white lady "terrorist" interviewed about the experience.

HT?

I'd love to see the TSA ban cheese like they banned water... don't piss off dairy farmers, man.

No shit... why isn't THAT the top story.

It is critical that I point out this news story's source is CNN... not AP.

Even a $10 donation to somebody running against Norm can go a long way. Thanks for your comments hihi.

"They included an unsuccessful bid by Republican Sen. Norm Coleman of Minnesota, to bar the Federal Communications Commission from reinstating the so-called Fairness Doctrine that would require broadcasters to balance conservative and liberal content."

http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/07/20/senate.disappearing.vote.ap/index.html

And if not, he should.

Well, wasn't the plot for the original Godzilla movies that Godzilla was America's fault because the fallout from our nukes made him?

If it turns out that a Japanese nuclear mistake makes Godzilla in real life, I would call that ironic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVSzcR5aqxA

BURN!

Jesse is the best person ever! I like Jesse the most! Hooray! Also Paul.

I'm buying Jesse a pizza today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can't.

Fired?

BALLS.

BALLS>S>JDGLHG hqopypt4pqhnrgwalejkgafbadf'dfhklanfdh

Jesse just pointed out to me that the U of M front page has a story on this film right now. Apparently they're showing it:

http://www1.umn.edu/twincities/index.php

http://events.umn.edu/event?occurrence=401806;event=116994

Dibbs!!!

Hi. I just clicked both links 10 times each. Send me a check for $2000 immediately or I will hire a collection agency.

What in the fuck.

That's what I said, booby traps.

Best bots EVAR!

"#b1000d" -Paul

Are the bots talking to eachother now?

I'm elevens about my nicknames.

I like that I am invited to please delete the messaage if it isn't interesting... but therein lies the problem.

He's a mankey man... how interesting!

Their ain't that many mistakes that I make that I can think of. Its rare that I make one. I don't never spel wrong, to.

You can buy Dani and me drinks when we're in the windy city. We both like free booze.

That's why we're dating eachother... cause we have so much in common!

No felines were harmed in the making of this website...

except for the two kittens we put in the blender for that photo.

Dani and I will probably be in Chicago looking at the fishies at the Shed Aquarium that weekend.

You are right...... it is two kittens in a blender.

I don't like crystal gripping hippies. Don't worry. :-*

ß âàñ ëþáëþ!

I said I was a procrastinator, not an English major.... although, I can see where you'd get those two confused. OH SNAP!

It is also known as Natural Red 4, for those of you who wear lipstick.

A neglected blog. What the hell did you think it was?

reading? that word doesn't quite capture the obsessiveness.

But...

This website is NOT! BLACK!

proposition someone for sex*

Thank god she was too drunk to enter the code correctly... or to try turning the knob the other direction.

I've heard the stories... but I didn't start working for the unions until 2002.

I forgot to mention the logging truck(!) parking me in at my apartment before I even left this morning.

She sure told you!

Only 25 more days to redesign my blog!

I think I can safely say for all of us...

-1 ? :(

Sounds like *somebody* got caught by my spam filter.

Let us always remember the Boston Terror Attack of 1-31-07!

http://www.xopl.com/blog/embedded/never-forget-1-31.jpg

One Margaret Maloney put it better than me:

"If I see a scary looking tree out my bedroom window, think it’s a monster, and then discover upon closer inspection that it isn’t, it doesn’t mean the tree has perpetrated a hoax against me."

http://www.boingboing.net/2007/02/01/boston_led_terror_sc.html

Wall-to-wall Union Jack's? Don't tempt me...

Country of origin: Sweden.

That's all I care about.

svenska fisk*

My car tried to eat them!

I like how you are recanting on the deliciousness of pizza pringles as if that is what got you banned for life, not the calling me a fucking hick.

A special icon that nobody else can select, even!

Thanks a lot guys.

With friends like you Colin, who needs enemies.

mildly?

You are banned.

The lasagna was fucking amazing. Sicilian girls rule!

What? Nothing says Happy Nude Year like seeing your friends naked.

This is one of my old favourite xmas videos:

http://www.fanpop.com/site/go?url=http://www.fanpop.com/spots/christmas/links/13739

Donald and his nephews in an epic snowball fight.

Duely noted.

haha! I remember those! I didn't realise there was any connection?

Making love, Paul. Making love.

Not as of yet......

Seriously though... anybody know the answer?

I didn't buy the replacement.

// Snowmaker Copyright (c) 2003 Peter Gehrig. All rights reserved.

HOLY SHIT! Toejam and Earl came out on the Wii today! Now I really need one.

Happy belated birfday, sith!

I want a wii... maybe.

I was wrong about those centipedes only being in MN.

Fired.

I think you picked the wrong icon...

http://www.xopl.com/images/blogicons/cheesehead.png

You never buy me nice things anymore.

you know... the one you were probably seeing two of... two blurry images of.

The amount of drunk I require to sing publically is not conducive to driving. You though, I shoulda just signed you up for it like I said I was gonna.

Actually the real best part was that wasted soldier on leave who announced he was buying the entire bar a round, and went around annoying the people who didn't go up to the bar to collect on it.

We have a weiner!

I'd be more inclined if it wasn't for the certain unalienable death.

In 2000, Chipotle gave free burritos to people with the sticker. It was glorious.

It keeps getting better:

http://yro.slashdot.org/yro/06/11/04/1353204.shtml

So that's where baby trees come from!

Ok, I'll admit theirs is funnier.

http://www.boingboing.net/2006/11/02/hilarious_piechartvi.html

Now with 100% more accurate links.

Test run?

http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/11/02/fugitive.roundup.ap/index.html

[rimshot]

Uhhhh

Bush now has the right to declare martial law.

http://www.boingboing.net/2006/10/29/bush_legalizes_marti.html

Jesse shared this with me, so I thought I'd pass it on to you:

http://www.imagecomics.com/iconline.php?title=walking_dead_001&page=cover

LOOK AT THOSE PAWS AND WHISKERS! OMGZ!!!!!

I'm reluctant to post to my blog anymore because I never want this kitty picture to go away.

SooooOOOOOooo CuuuUUUUUuuuute!

I'll give you a fired.

Insomuchas the people running the country right now are clowns, yes.

go fuck yourself *yawn*

No pouring one out for the homies who couldn't make it this year.

As if that weren't bad enough... my cable modem died and I didn't have internet at home for almost 48 hours.

THE HORROR.

El Oh El

Oh wait... he's saying SPIDER CIDER SPIDER CIDER?!?!

Oh shit.

Definitely not a simple squid. Definitely some sort of eldar god.

Thanks corporate intern stooge guy.

Adam Green was looking disturbingly like this:

http://www.blast.net/hart/neverending1.jpg

ooooh of course! MELT BANANA!

I have to say, Death From Above 1979 comes about as close as anything I got right now.

Oh Zach, you make the internets so funny. You're so smart and witty. Everybody loves you. You're so dreamy.

A classy, classy man.

Awww so sad... he's dead *AND* a failure.

Don't any of your friends you want to bring along own cars? MPLS is the shit, yo. We got party up here like WORD. Fucking Prince be up in here.

Weather could be anything from 40 to 80. It's Minnesota.

Costume ideas: Sexy Pirate... Drunken Pirate... Lazy Pirate (eye-patch + sword)

Pirates also enjoy ales.

Oh I think I meant this one:

http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/images/crikey_6.jpg

---

"'Crocodile Hunter' Steve Irwin was videotaped pulling a poisonous stingray barb from his chest just before he died, according to news reports."

That is so fucking hardcore.

BREAKING: Steve Irwin Killed By Gigantic Cat

http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/images/crikey_5.jpg

I don't know if this is real or not...

http://img157.imageshack.us/img157/4615/submissionbo3.jpg

I'm not the only heartless bastard on earth:

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y135/joboster/Imantasteveirwin1.jpg

(Thanks sith for finding that.)

Wow, Alison is going to London, too? What a coincidence!

That's where she lives, so probably yes.

She has these tattoos now... down both forearms are several bars of written music from a Clash song, and then she's got the outline of Minnesota with the Mississippi on her upper arm.

Then I'd be living in dirty hippy town, though.

I hope that comes out for the Wii, which is obviously going to be so much more awesome than the suxBox 3shitty.

Oh how I want to cut zombies up with chainsaws.

To not Zombiepubcrawl:

I love you guys. "I would do anything for brains!" Thanks for the personal message, I appreciate it.

You're right about one thing though: Pirates vs. Zombies... Zombies can't turn into pirates, but pirates can sure turn into zombies. It's the law of entropy man... everything ends up zombie in the end.

To not Pirate9:

I'm pretty sure I did -999, not -500... but how did you know it was me? Seriously? No really, I don't think my IP would be a giveaway?

Also, did it work? Did your code subtract the number? Just wondering.

You too could be carrying your own internal horrid evil twin. Always plotting against you it is.

And I thought my ass just hurt from my bike seat...

Jesse left me a drunk voice mail that basically amounts to squealing. Pretty amazing.

"The day I found out I was an adult Indigo will stay with me forever. I was walking hand in hand with my son down a Los Angeles street when this women approached me and said, 'You're an Indigo and your son is a Crystal.' I immediately replied, 'Yes!' and the woman smiled at me and walked away. I stood there for a moment, because I had no idea what the heck an Indigo and Crystal was, but I seemed so sure of it when I had blurted out 'Yes!'"

http://www.memepool.com/Date/260/

Odd.

I asked about it originally in this thread because it was our usual toast in London. I can't quite remember if it was Amrish or Cole who taught it to me.

http://www.wrcmn.org/

That's the rescue place's website.

P.S. This comment thread was HILARIOUS!!!!!

Appendix I: I don't think my knee appreciated the three impacts into water very much. Well, I mean my knee is either slightly injured and producing some fluid or the impact drove lake water into my knee.

Perhaps the fish tail protruding from the skin would be some indication.

To be fair you can only see one. Maybe the other is smooth like a baby's butt?

THAT'S ALL MAN, BABY!

one three punch...

Jesse: The secret word on Pee-Wee's Playhouse on Adult Swim tonight is "it."

Ruin my fucking life why don't everybody.

Shouldn't the message have been for the hey hey hey hey Mr. Postman then instead of for me?

It's like almost threatening in its tone... like they're going to come kick my ass if they get my mail again.

And mountain bikes are for fucking yuppie ass Gen-X'ers. DUDE! THAT'S SO EXTREME!

Yeah, I fucking said it.

Oh, and Schwinns just aren't as cool as my NEW FUCKING BMX BIKE.

I'm a fucking hooligan. You can't take a 10 speed frame off any sweet jumps... that shit will be a tangled wreck of fiery metal afterwards.

raaawwwwrt pieces of eight pieces of eight

I require a pirate outfit... an eyepatch, some raggity clothes. A HAT! I MUST HAVE A MAGNIFICENT HAT, FORTHWITH!

At least part of the night simply must be spent at Psycho Suzy's in Nordeast.

apropos of everything:

http://www.xopl.com/blog/embedded/villagebicycle.jpeg

The date is official. More planning needs to be done now.

http://www.drinklikeapirate.com/

Just as soon as she's tuned up.

I named it hippiPodamus.

Oh, I got an iPod, too.

Man. God gives me a bmx bike for $20, and all it needs is a new front tire... whereas the ones I had been looking at were $200-300... and I'm complaining?

I'm sorry God. I don't deserve you.

I'm not dead, but my bike needs a new front tire.

God hates me.

I do need new sneakers.

I think I hate ice cream.

I don't have any of those things.

That is indeed what it means... but I could not place the Cr. You, Mal, are a genius.

Samsonite! I was way off.

ding ding ding we have a winner

I can't blog about anything that happened in Vegas. So, to be sure, a good time was had by all.

HomelandDefense link VERY VERY NSFW

See MythBusters last night?

SNNNNNNFFFFFF SNNNNNNFFFFFF

No bombs.... buuuuuut, you might want to see a doctor.

There was a story awhile ago about female suicide bombers with bombs up their chachas.

Do you stick a bomb sniffing dog's nose in every girl's crotch? Or maybe you make them all squat and cough.

I'm staying across the street from the Bellagio.

Where are you going?

If the threat of my bottle of water is real, where's the fucking bomb squad to dispose of it. Think of the poor dump truck driver, getting paid less for a much worse job than the TSA guy, who is going to hit the compact button on his truck and get a piece of shrapnel in his ass.

Actually, my friend thinks this is just a promotional stunt for the World Trade Center movie.

It's funny to watch unqualified administrative types try to formulate plans. Serious comedy. There should be a degree program for disaster programming. You can't build bridges without an engineering degree. Why should the lives of millions of people be in the hands of people with horse breeding backgrounds.

I already look and smell like I use none of those things.

oh...

http://www.boingboing.net/2006/08/09/classical_literature.html

No, this was it?

yeah I want to see that, but I was holding out for going with Gray.

There are snakes on my mother friendly phone!

I was at the cornerstore
knew it had been robbed before
heard a shot out in the street
someone was dead meat
the body was on nicolet
so the cops didn't give a shit
and the shooter got away
in murderapolis

Really I just want to see an undead alien dragging it's feet on the ground with it's tentacles outstretched moaning "KLAAAKTAAARRRRRSS!!!!" and then have the subtitle on the bottom of the screen say "BRRRAAAIIIINNNNSSSS!!!!"

Nobody said anything about them being mutants.

Also... technically... Pam is flat out wrong, and Jesse introduces an interesting point:

There are space aliens and then there are Mexican aliens.

Just like (PAM) there are space pirates and sea pirates and music pirates.

So we need really to call them space alien space pirate zombies. I think.

No... I guess it would have to be either alien space pirate zombies or space pirate zombie aliens...

I'm hurting my head.

Shouldn't that be space pirate alien zombies?

Hmmmm... ninja skills. Wow... just imagine the advancements in martial arts in an intelligent species that has been around tens of thousands of years longer than us.

Yes. Alien kung fu would surely be substantial.

Jesse and Paul are apparently too huge of jerks to pick a day.

Jesus Mary and Joseph this is funny:

http://onegoodmove.org/1gm/1gmarchive/2006/07/youre_not_an_am.html

"Why didn't you vote for Bush?"

I don't trust anything that bleeds for seven days and doesn't die.

Drink Like a Pirate [Every]Day

I need some commitment people. Call your mothers. Call your best friends. MAKE SURE THERE IS NOTHING YOU ARE GOING TO BE GONE FOR ON THE WEEKEND YOU PICK.

Talk Like a Pirate Day is September 19, for the record.

Would the even longer jail time be worth stealing a car, and raising the Jolly Roger on it's antenna?

Would the jail time be worth burrying a chest full of Cap'n Morgan's Private Stock in the sand at Calhoun, and then sailing a hastily made raft across the lake from the opposite side to unburry and drink said booze on Drink Like a Pirate Day?

I'm more of an idea guy really... a dreamer. Don't take the wind out of my sails.

We need to start a film company. Or film division. Of another company... that we already started... sort of.

feelings are boring
kissing is awesome

so?

You know that WE'RE throwing Drink Like a Pirate Day, right?!

We need to pick either September 16 or 23...

The one with legs tasted like calamari!!!!!! I just realised. Not real good, but not terrible.

Mutton. There's another one. Mutton is gross.

what a selfish asshat

I think I got pneumonia from the prednisone.

So, what did the doctor give me for my viral tonsil swelling illness?

Prednisone

Let's review, shall we?

"Prednisone is particularly effective as an immunosuppressant and affects virtually all of the immune system."

"Do not take prednisone if you have a serious bacterial, viral, or fungal infection. Prednisone weakens the body's immune response and thus its ability to fight infection."

Genius!

WE NEVER SHOOK HANDS! NO DEAL!

Does Jacquie read xoplcom anymore?

"Hey baby, I kind of miss being sick now, why don't you come over and give me the BOOBonic plague."

I'm so very, very tempted at this point. I mean, who cares if I get dumped... who wants to date a girl who doesn't A) find that funny and 2) make with the boobery.

I seem to remember you being sick and leaking at both ends and missing work... and then on a separate occasion, not being sick but never-the-less seeing your spirit animal while on the toilet. Am I not remembering this clearly?

Are you sure?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bloop

Oh Eddie... you're so crazy.

I have to say this song is leaps and bounds better than "Party All the Time," and let us just never speak of "Whatzupwitu."

I was quizzing you on spelling. You passed.

http://www.xopl.com/blog/embedded/familycircus.jpg

poor mal

More like White Zach Rackham...

ouch, I hurt my feelings.

Oh, I saw Trent at the show.

This is how it begins...

http://www.kstp.com/article/stories/S17184.html?cat=1

I LIKE MY NEW PIRATE THEME EVEN IF YOU DON'T!

roflberry pwncakes!

He is the walrus! googoo goojoob

Post sources next time.

I think I regret this whole post. heh

#D00D1E

blue footed boobies?

I've been peeing in my pants.

Yes. At my building.

I can't help but notice I'm not there.

paul found this:

http://www.radiantmark.com/worldcup2006_schedule/

http://www.alternet.org/story/15593/

If it makes you feel any better I ran into Serge again.

coughstalkercough

Way to prove their point, Pam.

Great.

Well, the number of the beast has also apparently been gotten wrong, and it is 616.

From the desk of the department of random coincidence, this just in:

They had a huge map of the world on the wall at the car dealership. I decided to look for Togo. Some strange woman knew right where it was because she used to date a guy from Togo.

I want that!

beautiful door; he had also, by the way, knocked out the secret mark that he had put there the morning before. Carefully! Carefully! he said. It is not like you, Bilbo, to keep friends waiting on the mat, and then open the door like a pop-gun! Let me introduce Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, and especially Thorin! At your service! said Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur standing in a row. Then they hung up two yellow hoods and a

find a use for it. Indeed I can! said the wizard. But share and share alike! You may find you have more needs than you expect. So they put the gold in bags and slung them on the ponies, who were not at all pleased about it. After that their going was slower, for most of the time they walked. But the land was green and there was much grass

I'm pretty sure the 22nd should be just fine.

"There and Cock Again, A Hard-On's Tale"

be potent wine to make a wood-elf drowsy; but this wine, it would seem, was the heady vintage of the great gardens of Dorwinion, not meant for his soldiers or his servants, but for the kings feasts only, and for smaller bowls, not for the butlers great flagons. Very soon the chief guard nodded his head, then he laid it on the table and fell fast asleep. The butler went on talking and laughing to

That's not going to work for me. I'll be in WI with my bruvva.

nothing left to do but to fill their water-skins at a clear spring they found close to the forest-gate, and unpack the ponies. They distributed the packages as fairly as they could, though Bilbo thought his lot was wearisomely heavy, and did not at all like the idea of trudging for miles and miles with all that on his back. Dont you worry! said Thorin. It will get lighter all too soon.

When are you coming to Minneapolis so we can have ourselves some real life?

Better than fucking a bookshelf... did I mention I saw the Squid and the Whale?

NOTHING WAS RESOLVED! NOTHING!

deal more than a nine days wonder. The legal bother, indeed, lasted for years. It was quite a long time before Mr. Baggins was in fact admitted to be alive again. The people who had got specially good bargains at the Sale took a

...

Very soon the chief guard had no keys, but Bilbo was trotting as fast as he could along the passage towards the cells. The great bunch seemed very heavy to his arms, and his heart was often in his mouth, in spite of his ring, for he could not prevent the keys from making every now and then a loud clink and clank, which put him all in a tremble. First he unlocked Balins door, and locked it again carefully as soon

...

flames. He shuddered; and very quickly he was plain Mr. Baggins of Bag-End, Under-Hill, again. He got up trembling. He had less than half a mind to fetch the lamp, and more than half a mind to pretend to, and go and hide behind the beer barrels in the cellar, and not come out again until all the dwarves had gone away. Suddenly he found that the music and the singing had stopped, and they were all looking at him with eyes

It occurs to me that given this information it should be exceedingly easy to catch cats.

stairs, and turned and went down wide echoing ways, and turned again and climbed yet more stairs, and yet more stairs again. These were smooth, cut out of the living rock broad and lair; and up, up, the dwarves went, and they met no sign of any living thing, only furtive shadows that fled from the approach of their torches fluttering in the draughts. The steps were not made, all the same, for hobbit-legs,

and more...

as soon as the door was open, just as if he had been invited. I see they have begun to arrive already, he said when he caught sight of Dwalins green hood hanging up. He hung his red one next to it, and Balin at your service! he said with his hand on his breast. Thank you! said Bilbo with a gasp. It was not the correct thing to say, but they have begun to arrive had flustered him badly. He liked

Hey! They sent me more! Pretty soon I'll have the whole book:

gained-well, you will see whether he gained anything in the end. The mother of our particular hobbit... what is a hobbit? I suppose hobbits need some description nowadays, since they have become rare and shy of the Big People, as they call us. They are (or were) a little people, about half our height, and smaller than the bearded Dwarves. Hobbits have no beards. There is little or no magic about them, except

Well, the spam WAS for penis drugs. But they usually include some text to throw off spam filters.

Yes, I do believe Japan hasn't been hit since that subway gassing thing because of their extensive toilet-cam network.

We don't like to use the term "spying."

Paul, if we don't put video cameras in womens' locker rooms, some female terrorists might plan their next attack under the surveillance radar!

There's another one! Right over Lake Michigan!

http://www.xopl.com/blog/embedded/lake-michigan-hurricane.gif

"The NSA told Qwest that other government agencies, including the FBI, CIA and DEA, also might have access to the database..."

DEA.

http://www.thedailypage.com/daily/node/1482

Don't worry though, they're only looking for "terrorists."

Yes, get yourself lurned real good.

I dunno... maybe it was on the wikipedia or something

I was just googling my pet rat, and I discovered the super funny and odd fact that there is ALREADY a movie reviewer out there on the interlink named RatFacedKilla:

http://www.variedcelluloid.com/ratfacedkilla.shtml

I'm so getting sued!!!

Funny, I didn't know there were an Republicans left in the North East...

Of all my posts that would suggest I'm messed up and in need of some help... why anyone would pick this one is beyond me.

I guess we know what the creepy camps are for now:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/04/20/immigration.raids/index.html

You were supposed to guest blog here. I suggested like three titles, which one did you go with?

Wasn't there some study showing that tinfoil hats actually amplify certain frequencies into the brain?

Somebody says 'lick' and Pam perks right up.

I dunno though... our govt is so bad at keeping secrets and so incompetent, how could they have pulled off a huge 9/11 style plot without anybody leaking it?

(Arguably, people HAVE leaked it, and everybody calls them crazy. Maybe I just answered my own question.)

Dear paul,

Clearly the government is very interested in you for reading my blog. Enjoy the paranoia!

In all seriousness, I didn't completely agree with the video, but I do encourage you to actually watch this particular one before you go off dismissing the question entirely.

Oh, and:

"Watchin' X-Files with no lights on, in le maison, I hope the Smoking Man's in this one."

As Christy pointed out, Wired and David Pogue of the NYT are full of shit:

http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0,70587-0.html?tw=rss.index

Sure, this exact moment only happens once... then again every moment only happens once. However, there will be another 01:02:03 04/05/06 in 2106. And another in 2206. And so on.

Or the 2nd 01:02:03 04/05/06 today in the PM.

Or 06/05/04 03:02:01 coming up in May.

Wish I could answer that definitively.

The W3C standards are law as far as I'm concerned. Any rendering that doesn't follow the standards is a bug. Why the IE team should feel the same way, other than because standards are good for the industry... tough question.

Tom Delay is resigning.

I do know that... but my brain usually ignores such things when I'm rambling on about lambda functions.

Nevermind the fact that each <div> could have been given an id attribute that I would have had direct access to... that's too easy!

If any of you watched to the end of the video, you will hear Senator Roberts utter the cowardly words "You don't have any civil liberties if you are dead."

I have only one thing to say to that:

GIVE ME LIBERTY, OR GIVE ME DEATH.

Why, why should I be happy with it? Why shouldn't I push it? What's wrong with demanding more.

I forgot to mention the part where two tool saws snapped while trying to break the cable on the lift system. Pliers of various sizes made basically no dent. Big shop scissors, though? That's the ticket.

Shit. Now he really, really hates me.

Second piece of comment spam ever?

You ain't never lied.

woah there cowgirl save some for everyone else

That was a terrible movie.

Yeah. He's a flamer! And he's trying to start a flame war, too.

Evidence? Links?

Didn't think so.

Ok, I just recompressed the video so it's 4MB instead of 11MB. If anybody can't watch it now, let me know.

too ridiculous?

That's not me.

Well, I tried out all the instruments that come with GarageBand and all the effects that come with iMovie... that was fun.

It doesn't really... I added that in.

What do you mean?

Can you say massive protests of any and all inaugrations where the voting is called into question?

If my new Apple isn't here by Friday night, I'm going to be the guy with the picket sign that says "Impeach FedEx"

Oh, you have no idea the glory I have in store for you all.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/meast/03/16/iraq.main/index.html

Bush wags the dog.

Did anyone notice Bush's grammar mistake?

"Illegal Immigrant Day"

Nice, Pam. Nice.

What happens if you trip over the one power cord plugged into the wall? heh

Well, I was going to write about the pimp I saw on Chicago and Franklin, but I wanted to be sure I wasn't picked up by the blogosphere again... I mean, it would have been a weird contrast.

Yeah, I have you in my calendar. Let's get crunked.

I made a clarification in my article. When I say "paper trail," it is NOT sufficient that the voting machine merely log the vote to paper after it has been cast. The voter MUST verify that the log of their vote is correct. Alternatively, the system could use paper ballots that are kept for recount purposes.

http://www.counterpunch.org/pynchon01232006.html

The "secret/propriety" argument that "keeping the machine secret makes them safer" is patently ridiculous. RSA, SSH, SSL, Blowfish, DES... all of the security and encryption standards everyone relies on daily are *all* OPEN standards.

Every time you do banking on the web, or buy stuff online with your credit card, you are protected with OPEN security standards.

If you use Firefox, and the web server you connect to uses Apache and OpenSSL (very common), then the entire transaction not only uses open security standards, but the whole entire thing is OPEN SOURCE.

Ask any computer security expert: secrecy never means security. It takes critical review by peers.

That's really not the end of the completely mind-boggling ridiculousness surrounding this whole thing. How in the HELL did machines that leave NO auditable paper record EVER make it into something as important as voting?

It doesn't fly for banks or hospitals or corporate records or anywhere else... so why voting?

Too true elvinator. Sadly, a common thread in computer security discussions is that people are always the weakest link.

I've kind of scared myself at the revelation that there may be yet ANOTHER computer involved after the computer that takes your vote. I haven't heard any real dicussion about securing those.

However, the people who are fighting the hardest for our rights are pushing paper ballot trails. If a computer somewhere in the middle got hacked, the paper would at least tell the truth in the recount.

What if the hackers just change say 1.5% of the votes on one of the aggregation computers? Would there even *be* a recount?

FURTHER ANALYSIS / DEVELOPMENTS:

Some of the reports on this subject suggest an entire precinct in Mahoning County collectively reported negative 25 million votes. Not just one machine.

What does this mean? Some possibilities:

1. Many machines were tampered with.
2. The aggregated total from the machines was tampered with.
3. The machine that aggregates the totals from the individual machines is *severely* prone to errors.

The first option is not very likely, however option number two is just as likely, if not more likely, than my initial assertion that a single machine was tampered with.

Afterall, the results of one machine could be ignored and easily written off a single faulty machine. Whereas, hacking the results of an entire district would certainly draw much more attention. And as I have stated, negative 25 million votes / positive 4 billion votes, is exactly how somebody with the ability would draw such attention. (I should explicitly note that whether it was an aggregate machine or an individual voting machine, my technical analysis of the encoding of integers remains accurate for both.)

Too bad the elections officials just tossed the count out and put it on the books as another bit of 2004 elections trivia.

This really begs the frightening question: What machine is totalling the votes from the individual machines, and what kind of vulnerabilities does *it* have?

Bringing 9/11 into this discussion just thins the waters of credibility around the very *real* problem of electronic voting machine failure and tampering.

Ok?

I clearly said to *petition* your Congress members... nobody is talking about shooting anybody.

There is a helpful graphic on the front page of this website:

http://www.verifiedvoting.org/

Some states have passed legislation requiring paper ballot trails, but there is still more work to be done.

I don't have a problem with dropping a few F-bombs... but when somebody posts something where every other word is fuck followed by either liberals, muslims, gays, or jews... I don't think that contributes much to humanity.

Thanks for your comments.

I saw the infrared ports... insult to injury.

I wish that the mainstream media would pick this up again. It's an almost taboo topic. If you talk about it you are still stuck in 2004, worse yet, 2000.

I didn't see any mainstream coverage of the Diebold coup in California, or its implications. It looks like CA is fight their Sec. of State on it? Good for them.

I'm happy I sparked even a little bit of netroots interest on the subject again (well, the blackboxvoting.org folks and others have continually been fighting the good fight) ... but I worry I'm preaching to the choir.

I'm going to try to get some version of this article published as an op ed in the local papers here. Gotta start somewhere.

Sorry, I missed that.

I hadn't heard of little Marvin until his name popped up in the comments today. Pretty interesting stuff. Off topic nonetheless.

We're not talking 911 conspiracy theory here, we're talking the very REAL issue of electronic voting machine failure. Let us highlight this distinction.

I invite and ENCOURAGE any counter arguments. Hell, I'd prefer to be wrong on this one. Not being able to trust our national elections is a sad belief to hold onto.

As I was saying, I invite debate... and the first such argument to be posted that DOESN'T turn into gay, Jewish, or Muslim bashing or employ near monolithic use of the word "fuck" will not be deleted by the Operator.

Thank you.

They don't have to "listen in" ... this is an open thread. They can just read it.

Well Masher1, you seem to feel strongly.

We are just the voice of one man or one woman. If you would also take the initiative to petition your own government to officially censure the Bush Administration, now THAT would make an impact.

If the people of Canada, Italy, Spain, etc spent as much time petitioning their representation to officially censure the Bush Administration as they do complaining about America, or as we Americans do writing OUR represenation, we may actually see the change in leadership our country, I feel, needs.

Did you ever think of that?

Well, that certainly paints a scary picture.

I would like to offer my moderating opinion and reminder that if these machines can error without intervention (they can), or worse yet be hacked, it doesn't take a conspiracy to defraud our elections.

For the record Masher1, I'm not into wholesale America bashing. There are a lot of good people here who do a lot of good things.

Well, I was trying to prove an entirely different point. But I understand what you are saying. Thanks for the feedback. Really the candidate is irrelevant to my argument, and I would have written the same article had Bush gotten the 4 billion votes.

I believe I've found the origin