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drowning in fd&c blue #2 lake

<< Dec 13, 2004 @ 17:56 >>

I am burdened with a constant desperation in regards to my life decisions. What I want to be doing more than anything is working full time on my entrepreneurial ventures ranging from a self-sufficient web business to long-unfinished projects I don't care to publicly announce here. That won't pay the bills right now though, so that's why I took the grocery sciences job -- the bill payage and free timeage compromise. But then this MPR thing pops up, and I decided to take that. And there are like real jobs at Larson and stuff I could go for that would pay me lots of money, that wouldn't require me to lift boxes of babyfood until 4am, but also would not provide any time to work on my long-unfinished and unnameable projects. Then there is the matter of happiness, which doesn't really come to me at all here with these idiots, nor while living in a dark hole working on unnameable projects, but mostly only while somewhere else, with out people, probably just working, drinking, hanging with the guys, and picking up the girls. That place is Chicago, Amrish has it all ready for me to move there this summer, but in that place there certainly isn't time for projects-unnameable... and someday I might regret that. It is a huge pain in my ass. All of it. Ideally, I'd work on my unmentionables full time, just long enough to at least be done with one such secret project. Then I could move on. I'm currently in a compromise that is about to end due to MPR taking up my free time now, but working 20 hours a week at a grocery store hasn't exactly kept my spirits high enough to be as productive as I'd have liked either. If I took a real job and got paid real money, at least I wouldn't be doing bitch work. The idea there is that I'd quit after a year and live off my savings while working on my secret idears. Would I quit? Would I resign my dreams and just accept boring working adulthood once I'm there? Will I have saved enough money? How's this for emo Colin?

Oh, meteor shower tonight. I'll comment if I see any.

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December 14, 2004 @ 10:56:02

marilyn.pngsith33 (#999)

Oh man, that was some high quality emo.

Here's the crux of your problem - you still care. Just resign yourself to crass commercialism (and Crass the band!) and get on with it. Get a dog too. They help quite a bit.

December 14, 2004 @ 14:27:52

coleco.pngxopl (#001)

I can't and I won't..... until I'm older.

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