X is for infamous.


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jmullan (#1015)

bettie.png Name: jMo
Email: jmullan@visi.com
Locale: Sitting across the desk from Zach

Profile: Le Sigh

Comments History

Dec 30, 2016 @ 14:49:26

Re: happy nude year

Zoom... in.

Aug 17, 2010 @ 22:07:35

Re: That sums up the night nicely.


Jan 20, 2009 @ 15:52:15

Re: i want my 8 years back

I also want the $12 that I paid for the ticket back.

Dec 4, 2008 @ 04:40:11

Re: 'green' slant-rhymes with 'dream' anyway

A xopl post? Has xopl been replaced by an alien robot?

Aug 31, 2008 @ 05:42:00

Re: police raid anti-rnc group

You didn't know that gasoline and soap flakes makes napalm? Maybe the maps were hand drawn and said "bomb here." I believe that gas and styrofoam also makes a gooey mess (like napalm).

I think that a million stickers showing Minnesota in blue (a blue state) would be pretty effective.

Red paint filled dolls for the win.

Sep 7, 2007 @ 14:25:32

Re: oh what providence!

"I, for one, would like to see more of the larger stretching posted."

You and I both, sir. You and I both.

Aug 8, 2007 @ 13:23:49

Re: this is such bull-klobuchar!

Way ahead of you!
2007/08/07 11:49:04 AM jessepmullan: I'm gonna go take a Klobuchar
2007/08/07 11:49:09 AM zach: nice

Aug 1, 2007 @ 23:40:55

Re: you know what they say about...

Excellent! Shoulda made a new post, though.

Jul 27, 2007 @ 10:48:27

Re: ur soul it has flavr

I was going to comment, but Zach just disturbed me.

"Hat Tip"

Jul 25, 2007 @ 09:34:35

Re: "news" ... in quotes

Cheese is murder.

Jul 16, 2007 @ 16:25:46

Re: oh no, there goes tokyo

Godzilla has giant shape shifting testicles.

Jul 9, 2007 @ 19:39:06

Re: with your bones, dear henry

I want Wednesday Addams, too. Wednesday Addams Two E.

Wednesday Addams ][e.

Jun 18, 2007 @ 17:03:53

Re: why wouldn't it be

I am not allowed to buy any more Adam Turman posters.

Jun 15, 2007 @ 18:40:16

Re: apparently not like a bicyle

I don't know -- this seems an awful lot like a "blog post" to me.

May 20, 2007 @ 22:26:53

Re: with apologies to bill murray

It's Zatch, right?

May 9, 2007 @ 13:16:32

Re: beetle gin and juice

Comments... posts... wtf is going on? The next thing you know, xopl will be posting regular pictures of crafts.

Apr 2, 2007 @ 14:04:24

Re: new content!

You got me!!!!!!!!!

Mar 21, 2007 @ 13:51:09

Re: particularly peculiar puppy


Mar 20, 2007 @ 15:34:45

Re: pints and palindromes

Thank you for bringing me back booze.


Well, still glad to have you back.

Feb 1, 2007 @ 14:31:49

Re: whale oil beef hooked


Jan 23, 2007 @ 17:58:51

Re: procter & gamble with your life

I thought that they were special because I haven't had pizza flavored pringles.

I imagine that these were the result of some tragic accident at the pringles factory. Many italians were lost.

Jan 19, 2007 @ 02:37:39

Re: alcoholic analogy

I want Elllllliot Smith suicide icon now, thank uoul.

So drunk employheee so drunk ruinh life kill me now die die die Jesse.

popst more shit now, please, for the love of god, post.. Post.; I nbeg you. post

Jan 17, 2007 @ 00:58:55

Re: for jesse

Awwww, shucks!

I think that mine would be filled with charcoal pellets -- for obvious reasons.

Jan 16, 2007 @ 19:56:13

Re: alcoholic analogy

I can still count to blue.

Jan 16, 2007 @ 15:26:15

Re: alcoholic analogy

I am going to London, and I'm not coming back until I am mildly retarded from alcohol induced brain damage.

Too late.

Jan 15, 2007 @ 21:08:06

Re: blogging is so 2006

Also, your user icons are still old styley. Greyscale time?

Jan 15, 2007 @ 16:47:52

Re: blogging is so 2006

I had lasagna last night.

Jan 8, 2007 @ 02:03:56

Re: You come across website.


Jan 3, 2007 @ 11:40:03

Re: constant coincidence

I will "life," too.

Jan 2, 2007 @ 10:44:50

Re: happy nude year



Zoom out!

Dec 19, 2006 @ 00:58:43

Re: haming it up

jiantHam's the beer refreshing...

Dec 17, 2006 @ 16:52:25

Re: haming it up

Balloons can't love.

Dec 15, 2006 @ 03:28:21

Re: frickin sharks with frickin laser beams

Always with you and the DVDs!

Dec 14, 2006 @ 18:15:40

Re: speaking of ninjas

I cannot stop watching this.

Dec 14, 2006 @ 16:42:45

Re: speaking of ninjas


Dec 11, 2006 @ 15:20:44

Re: how much wood would a...

The push would ripple through the bar at the speed of sound, not light, so it's no more complicated than lightning/thunder.

Dec 6, 2006 @ 13:16:57

Re: no good deed goes ununpunished

Well, uh, now you have a spare?

Dec 1, 2006 @ 09:36:12

Re: totally tumorlur, dude

Significantly rewritten! The original had little or no wind!


Nov 30, 2006 @ 13:24:08

Re: totally tumorlur, dude

Who wrote that snow? I forget.

Nov 30, 2006 @ 02:08:28

Re: totally tumorlur, dude

Wow, that's like, wow.

Nov 27, 2006 @ 21:26:52

Re: oh what providence!

"less than one in a thousand women have a huge 'justo major pelvis' (giant pelvis) whose boney opening would allow this, and because extreme vaginal stretching would required, it would have to be an extremely rare sexual activity"

Amen, brother! Wait, what was that article even about?

Nov 27, 2006 @ 15:31:30

Re: my dream pet

Ii wanna wii too so Ii can bii like all of yoo.

Nov 27, 2006 @ 00:49:24

Re: my dream pet

Christy, I just want hot wii action, that doesn't make me a goddamn whore.

Blowing men in the park for money does, though. Those goddamn men should buy me stuff. Zach.

Nov 26, 2006 @ 00:47:07

Re: my dream pet

I want to hang out with someone who has a wii!

Nov 22, 2006 @ 18:49:42

Re: my dream pet

Hmm. HP Lovecraft makes me feel all cozy and sleepy.

Nov 21, 2006 @ 11:17:44

Re: no, that's before the burial

I would say that I would try "harder," but, uh, I don't think that joke would be appropriate, and I would probably get fired again.

Nov 20, 2006 @ 21:04:03

Re: no, that's before the burial

That's not much of a present.

Nov 20, 2006 @ 16:19:21

Re: no, that's before the burial

Glorious! Zach, I expect my present from you soon.

Nov 19, 2006 @ 22:28:00

Re: no, that's before the burial

Wait, does that mean that I have to buy presents for people with whom I have sex? Isn't the sex enough?

Nov 14, 2006 @ 00:29:50

Re: bring out your dead

Argh. That show was even on my list.

Nov 9, 2006 @ 23:29:57

Re: unbothersome badinage

Dear Zach: make more posts like this.

Nov 7, 2006 @ 23:20:33

Re: the scariest day of the year

This year even Noah got a sticker.

Nov 7, 2006 @ 13:32:20

Re: do you see what I see?

I know I like Hansen.

Handsahn? However you spell it, Mmmm BOP!

Nov 5, 2006 @ 20:25:48

Re: do you see what I see?

The tree is just like porn!

Nov 4, 2006 @ 19:54:35

Re: do you see what I see?

Said the night wind to the little lamb
Do you see what I see?
Over in the park, little lamb
Do you see what I see?

A tree, a tree
Standing in the grass
With a snatch as big as a house
With a snatch as big as a house

Nov 3, 2006 @ 20:48:32

Re: scary boo or bad boo?

Jesus Xopl update your fucking site already!

Oct 30, 2006 @ 15:04:20

Re: scary boo or bad boo?


Oct 30, 2006 @ 10:28:04

Re: scary boo or bad boo?

I'll give you a love pumpkin!

Oct 27, 2006 @ 01:24:04

Re: scary boo or bad boo?

I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger

Oct 25, 2006 @ 13:43:35

Re: scary boo or bad boo?

You're MY boo...

Oct 24, 2006 @ 11:58:33

Re: unicorn chaser

I'll give you a tootsie pop.

Oct 20, 2006 @ 15:17:48

Re: unicorn chaser

You can't give me a fired, I gave myself a quit.

Oct 20, 2006 @ 13:10:40

Re: unicorn chaser

I'll give you a tootsie pop. Wait. No.

Oct 18, 2006 @ 15:26:34

Re: the knock at my door

If you disappear, does that mean that clowns ate you?

Oct 15, 2006 @ 14:59:31

Re: drink yourself sideways

Promises, promises.

Oct 9, 2006 @ 22:23:56

Re: drink yourself sideways

Just what I need, help with my waistline.

Oct 9, 2006 @ 15:45:17

Re: drink yourself sideways

Oh. Now I know why it seems like I have been tripping balls all day. Wow.

Sep 30, 2006 @ 23:08:53

Re: i weep for internet nostalgia

My drunk dials have been fairly disappointing tonight. I blame Zach.

Sep 29, 2006 @ 13:28:55

Re: all diced out

You're only feeding the drunk dial material.

Sep 26, 2006 @ 11:41:57

Re: i'm a warm bodega

People who want drunk dials should send their phone numbers to me. I will deliver.

Sep 24, 2006 @ 13:33:54

Re: i'm a warm bodega

What a genius night.

I did not get friended on the facebook.

Sep 22, 2006 @ 15:55:24

Re: prepare to die

That's gonna be my first tattoo.

Sep 19, 2006 @ 00:17:11

Re: surprisingly sober

xopl is right. I think that I wanted that sound exactly two weeks ago.

Sep 18, 2006 @ 22:45:46

Re: sixty men, lost at sea

Jesus Christ post some shit already!

Sep 17, 2006 @ 08:58:04

Re: soylent saturn


I'm going back to sleep.

Sep 10, 2006 @ 00:29:22

Re: sex ray glasses


Sep 9, 2006 @ 02:14:41

Re: arrrrrrrrrrrrr you ready?

xopl dot xopl dot xopl dot COM


This blows, I'm going to the Kappa party.


Sep 6, 2006 @ 14:01:00

Re: arrrrrrrrrrrrr you ready?

Normally I would say something funny or crass, but I have nothing right now.

Sep 5, 2006 @ 05:50:23

Re: eaten by a croc would be cooler

Real. I am dead.

No, not really, but shit.


Sep 1, 2006 @ 12:58:12

Re: sarah sandesky

I would marry Sarah Sandusky. Do I need to move to dirty hippy town for that to happen?

Aug 30, 2006 @ 20:37:54

Re: it just keeps getting better

Hmm. How do you tell how many times a person has Arrrrsvpdedededdded? If I correct my own number, will it override it or add it into the total?

Aug 30, 2006 @ 20:32:46

Re: it just keeps getting better

Zach actually IS pretty clever.

Aug 30, 2006 @ 01:17:50

Re: it just keeps getting better

I am the Venture Brothers lover. Me.


Aug 29, 2006 @ 14:11:47

Re: it just keeps getting better

I thought that anal probing was my job.

Aug 18, 2006 @ 14:39:46

Re: braaaaaiiiiinnnss!

Deep breaths, bwana. Deep breaths.

Aug 18, 2006 @ 14:37:19

Re: but... how... with the...

Maybe they will.

Maybe they will.

Aug 18, 2006 @ 12:48:37

Re: but... how... with the...

Was it for you? It must have gone to the wrong address, where the recipient marked it and gave it back to the mailman, who then redelivered it to you.

Aug 18, 2006 @ 10:04:08

Re: i wanna see your fixie

So you bought a stunt bike? WTF is wrong with you?

Aug 18, 2006 @ 10:02:46

Re: pirate ships were early democracies

Do they have lights at Psycho Suzies? All my memories of that place are very dark.

Very dark.

Aug 18, 2006 @ 10:00:42

Re: procrasturbating

I think that "Nastee" actually refers to ME.

Aug 17, 2006 @ 15:14:06

Re: you're having contractions

pamela: Seriously, lady, if you keep talking about it, I'm not going to keep stalking you.

Aug 17, 2006 @ 15:13:25

Re: i hope you like murdered

You cure depression with demanding girlfriends!

Aug 17, 2006 @ 13:35:41

Re: you're having contractions


Aug 10, 2006 @ 16:21:13

Re: what a fucking crock (updated)

Naked and making a man train.

Ride the train in the sky.

Aug 10, 2006 @ 15:50:28

Re: what a fucking crock (updated)

I'll be that bomb sniffing dog.

Aug 10, 2006 @ 15:45:25

Re: what a fucking crock (updated)

I know how to make a binary explosive: take two specific powerful acids and mix them with glycerin. Here's the fun part: if you are a terrorist, you don't need a detonator at all, because that shit will just plain explode right there. I doubt that you could keep strong acids in a Nalgene, so you'd need something like a glass container for them. I hope it doesn't break when you throw it in the trash.

Aug 10, 2006 @ 15:27:14

Re: what a fucking crock (updated)

We all know that he is just working that security job to support his meth habit, not a family.

Aug 10, 2006 @ 15:20:22

Re: what a fucking crock (updated)

Suspicious people? Like apologists for incompetents?

Aug 10, 2006 @ 15:08:56

Re: we can't stop here it's bat country

Show your brother a good time? Dirty.

Aug 10, 2006 @ 14:03:52

Re: what a fucking crock (updated)

No kidding. WHEW.

Aug 9, 2006 @ 23:46:20

Re: oh fuck yes

Dude. I TOLD you. I TOLD you.

Aug 9, 2006 @ 00:20:24

Re: mpls vice

Wasn't there another goddamn post here right before I left work?

I mean, what the fuck!

Aug 5, 2006 @ 10:30:31

Re: it would be a 4 hour epic

Space Butt Pirates? Gaylians!

Aug 4, 2006 @ 23:28:20

Re: it would be a 4 hour epic

Mutant Zombie Space Butt Pirates vs. Robot Ninjas

Aug 4, 2006 @ 14:08:31

Re: it would be a 4 hour epic

They should be mutants.

Aug 4, 2006 @ 13:50:39

Re: it would be a 4 hour epic

Space + Alien != Mexico + Alien

Mutant Zombie Space Alien Pirates vs. Robot Ninjas

Aug 1, 2006 @ 10:01:46

Re: pirate ships were early democracies

The 16th! Fine!

Aug 1, 2006 @ 09:56:58

Re: pillow pants' precious

Thank you, Pam!

Jul 30, 2006 @ 09:46:17

Re: pillow pants' precious

Jesus, Pam, what the fuck? Do I give you grief about your livejournal? NO.

Would a picture of my ass cheer you up?

Jul 25, 2006 @ 16:33:44

Re: van goghhhhh my god!!!!!

I just make funny shit.

Jul 25, 2006 @ 15:09:39

Re: van goghhhhh my god!!!!!

"Sometimes I sit on my hand until it falls asleep, then I masturbate with it. I call that the stranger."
"Really? I thought that the stranger was when you cut the hand off of a hobo, preserved it in formaldehyde, and then occasionally got it out, made a fist with it, and --"
"I don't want to know how you are going to finish that sentence."
"But --"
"Okay. Fine."

Jul 21, 2006 @ 13:40:51

Re: no no no no no


Jul 20, 2006 @ 20:37:20

Re: no no no no no

Pam: Are you at least coming to the zombie pub crawl?

Jul 19, 2006 @ 16:41:36

Re: no no no no no

It's wrong of him to make you come to the wedding.

Tell him that you aren't buying him any presents.

WAIT. I HAVE IT. They move the wedding back exactly one day. You host his bachelor party here, in Minneapolis. AT THE ZOMBIE PUB CRAWL. We can go to the strip club. He can make out with zombie pub ladies. It's perfect.

Jul 19, 2006 @ 10:03:55

Re: boobonic plague

Lupus isn't a real disease. Oh, wait, I'm thinking of fibromyalgia. Or that thing where bugs crawl under your skin and you get sores that grow little furry lint balls.

Jul 18, 2006 @ 23:39:43

Re: boobonic plague

When is it not tight to start with?

Jul 18, 2006 @ 15:29:01

Re: boobonic plague

Just because you didn't get any sick sex doesn't mean that you should break up with her. That's just mean.

Jul 18, 2006 @ 14:49:13

Re: boobonic plague

Yes. I told her about the deal that you and I worked out, and she was cool with it.

Jul 18, 2006 @ 14:34:53

Re: boobonic plague

I wouldn't say that we did a lot of sleeping.

Jul 18, 2006 @ 09:55:14

Re: boobonic plague

You might have just had what I had. I don't see mention of hallucinations, but...

Jul 14, 2006 @ 23:44:56

Re: "ninjas of the caribbean...


Jul 10, 2006 @ 13:51:22

Re: radio krack


Jul 7, 2006 @ 16:36:03

Re: continuous quizes

Thanksz, Zzach.

Jul 7, 2006 @ 13:49:55

Re: continuous quizes

It's on!

Quizzes has two zs, Zzach.

Jul 6, 2006 @ 16:15:07

Re: continuous quizes

What kind of balls do you have?

Your balls are BLUE. This means that you should stop huffing varnish at work.

Jul 5, 2006 @ 16:21:39

Re: loltomic bombs nuclear lollercaust

I'm just blonde "under the covers"

Jul 3, 2006 @ 16:41:18

Re: loltomic bombs nuclear lollercaust


Jun 28, 2006 @ 01:20:54

Re: but you can call me cap'n

I was promised a redesign. Where the fuck is your magical fucking redesign, Capote?

Jun 27, 2006 @ 14:30:41

Re: frosty freezers

How can it be? You just put your hand over her mouth so she can't scream and drag her into the van. Wait -- what are you talking about?

Jun 23, 2006 @ 14:16:28

Re: kids are criminal


Jun 21, 2006 @ 16:24:24

Re: the bearded curtain

for some reason when I read the headline I was thinking that it was a euphemism for public hair.

"I parted the bearded curtain and spent half an hour in the former Soviet Union, if you know what I mean."
"In communist former Soviet Union, bearded curtain spends an hour inside you!"

Jun 16, 2006 @ 13:11:26

Re: colourful

hhhahahahha I LIKE IT

Jun 7, 2006 @ 16:33:40

Re: di knows vi

Give me her myspace, give it to me.

I added Pam as a contact on Aim yesterday and today she is not there. I blame Zach.

Jun 7, 2006 @ 11:45:59

Re: di knows vi

This is why Jacquie denies having any feelings.

May 29, 2006 @ 22:31:55

Re: throw your hands up and

I loved the Squid and the Whale. I don't know if it was like real life, but it felt like home.

May 29, 2006 @ 00:09:27

Re: throw your hands up and

You fucked a plastic guitar during the bachelor's party?

Oh. Oh, wait, no, that's not it at all.

May 26, 2006 @ 12:45:25

Re: bilbo, the legend continues

Pam, if you don't have one of your own, just find someone else's to play with. I'm sure that they would appreciate it.

May 24, 2006 @ 11:33:27

Re: drilling it home

Actually, you can already monitor girls' bathrooms on the internet. Apparently some people already know that the next terrorist attack will be planned inside the bowl.

May 3, 2006 @ 20:40:28

Re: me want now

It just works!

Apr 24, 2006 @ 13:31:21

Re: mill city monster


Apr 24, 2006 @ 13:29:13

Re: someone else's story

Al Franken is hot!

Apr 21, 2006 @ 14:49:55

Re: bad joke

Ascii bananas

Apr 15, 2006 @ 01:16:28

Re: right message...


Fuck. I hate c++.

More like c--!!! !!! 1 1 !! ! !! ! !!

Apr 11, 2006 @ 10:12:00

Re: history lessons

The secret is tinfoil underpants.

Apr 10, 2006 @ 12:39:20

Re: history lessons

You should hang out with Stan. He loves conspiracy theories.

Apr 5, 2006 @ 11:28:59

Re: third eye blind

Me too. Me too.

Mar 27, 2006 @ 22:11:13

Re: if you read one...

How do I get myself some of that hot Democratic sucky sucky?

Mar 27, 2006 @ 00:55:41

Re: ohio voting fraud

"Trolling for flames."

I am the court advisor of the internets, whispering into Zach's ear and making him old and feeble.

Mar 27, 2006 @ 00:53:27

Re: she ain't no human being

Whoa there, reverse cowgirl, save some of that for everyone else!

Mar 22, 2006 @ 11:19:36

Re: mouse's movie musings

Awwww, it IS super cute.

Mar 20, 2006 @ 20:15:33

Re: vlog verification

Can I have a copy of that Mario wallpaper?

Mar 19, 2006 @ 15:35:58

Re: borrow and spend

He gets a "frequent novelty charter" discount, I think. You get the card punched every time you use it, and then after sixty punches you get a free one.


Mar 19, 2006 @ 15:30:40

Re: getting the word out

This explains why O'Hare was so awful.

Mar 19, 2006 @ 14:56:41

Re: really bad intelligence

I think that we would all be way more concerned if he DIDN'T make grammatical errors.

Mar 19, 2006 @ 14:55:57

Re: really, i promise

Sweet, can I vlog too?

Actually, I want to podcast.

Shit, I really want to release a zine.1

I'm so 1992.

Mar 19, 2006 @ 14:55:13

Re: an azure atrocity

If I weren't already dating someone I would totally go to Blick just to pick up chicks.

Mar 8, 2006 @ 03:02:52

Re: open letter to john mccain

short crunk

Feb 21, 2006 @ 11:45:01

Re: everybody cool was born today

It's on your livejournal. We're friends, remember?

Feb 20, 2006 @ 12:15:09

Re: everybody cool was born today


Feb 19, 2006 @ 21:56:40

Re: stars at night, big and bright

Wait a minute, you went to Dallas?

Feb 19, 2006 @ 19:02:56

Re: mr. hero's opus

We're gonna need a bigger impeachment.

Feb 16, 2006 @ 15:55:47

Re: sith33's punchline

Not safe for work

Feb 15, 2006 @ 12:58:47

Re: a very merry ununbirthday

In case you want to sing along:
I! I wanna know!
What will I find!
In the land of Xopl!
Hey, is there gonna be booze?
Hey, is there gonna be pirates?
Hey, what rhymes with Xopl?
I don't know anymooooooore --
But this is Xopl!
It's Xopl!
Yeah, it's Xopl!

Why did I do this? I feel so dirty. So very dirty.

Feb 15, 2006 @ 11:40:45

Re: a very merry ununbirthday

Happy Birthday!!!

Feb 14, 2006 @ 11:22:00

Re: hee haw

Someone has to kill them.

Feb 10, 2006 @ 11:49:38

Re: my hero

Pam: is that an open offer to all guys who visit this site? 'cause if things don't work out between me and the Boss Lady...

Feb 8, 2006 @ 12:06:59

Re: my hero

The only way that it could be more appropriate is if he had then mooned the president.

Hey, it was topical -- he was referencing the late Mrs. King's views.

Feb 6, 2006 @ 12:05:57

Re: redmeat relocated

Speedbump(s)? How many cats did Milkman Dan hit?

Feb 6, 2006 @ 12:02:57

Re: queer eye for the bear guy

When you said "eaten by bears" I thought that you were talking about gay porn involving hairy men.

Feb 2, 2006 @ 23:23:02

Re: log jam flim flam

oh crap

Feb 2, 2006 @ 12:16:03

Re: magical mystery tour

I swear the secret is on the tip of my tongue.

Feb 2, 2006 @ 12:11:07

Re: magical mystery tour

Farking A, I found it eventually.

Feb 2, 2006 @ 11:50:10

Re: magical mystery tour

I'm stuck now, to the point where I feel like slashing my wrists. Slash.

Feb 2, 2006 @ 11:47:29

Re: magical mystery tour

I can digg it.

Feb 2, 2006 @ 10:36:18

Re: magical mystery tour

I like balls.

Jan 30, 2006 @ 19:42:49

Re: not that it matters, but...

That's it, I'm so running for office.

Jan 27, 2006 @ 13:57:09

Re: testicular tanooki suit

Balls balls balls balls balls!

Jan 27, 2006 @ 09:51:04

Re: testicular tanooki suit

Okay, I'm pretty proud of the power of my testes, but deez nuts ain't got nothing on raccoon nuts.

Jan 27, 2006 @ 02:06:31

Re: testicular tanooki suit

I'm watching right now. I can't believe the nuts aren't mine.

Jan 26, 2006 @ 23:54:11

Re: testicular tanooki suit





Jan 24, 2006 @ 16:41:13

Re: wound up wordplay

Doesn't rough trade mean anal sex for money?

Jan 24, 2006 @ 15:45:21

Re: wound up wordplay

I *am* high. That's why Zach doesn't fire me.

Jan 24, 2006 @ 12:03:42

Re: here we go again

Pamela: only in the sense that I am a girl and your friend in bloggingdom. I mean, boy.

Jan 24, 2006 @ 11:13:57

Re: wound up wordplay


Jan 24, 2006 @ 00:01:01

Re: here we go again

Goin' down the only road I've ever known!
Like a drifter I was born to --

Hey? Anyone? No? What?

Jan 23, 2006 @ 18:55:39

Re: here we go again

*Points to self*

I mean, not at all. I'm as pure as the driven snow, if someone stuffed an M80 into a school-lunch sized can of ravioli and then blew off their hand and lost control of their bowels while standing in the drift.

Jan 22, 2006 @ 17:25:40

Re: nice cape

Warning: This story contains some scary elements and a touch of erotic blood sucking.


Jan 18, 2006 @ 15:36:21

Re: karma kill

In Soviet Russia, websites hack you!

Jan 15, 2006 @ 00:41:27

Re: melons of water

Test RELAX to 44123! Come on! Give it a try!

Jan 14, 2006 @ 19:32:00

Re: a bed of evil and lettuce

I love the carnitas there. It's secretly my favorite Mexican restaurant.

Jan 13, 2006 @ 10:28:00

Re: wait, wait... i told ya

Interestingly, my girlfriend is the devil, so, uh, yeah.

Jan 13, 2006 @ 03:13:26

Re: wait, wait... i told ya

Is that why when I tried calling you I got the Hungry Sausage Pizzeria? You're a fucking bitch!

Jan 13, 2006 @ 03:12:18

Re: isn't that interesting

When did you post this?

Jan 9, 2006 @ 13:24:43

Re: like anyone can do that

Just don't buy noodles.

Jan 9, 2006 @ 13:24:06

Re: best winter ever?

Those of us who are old enough to remember fifteen below will always have that to brag about.


Jan 3, 2006 @ 14:25:11

Re: look paul, no words!

I had a cup of coffee this morning and started a flame war.

That's 7000 words, btw.

Jan 3, 2006 @ 12:53:00

Re: look paul, no words!

I drink breakfast and drive flaming men?

Jan 3, 2006 @ 12:49:51

Re: look paul, no words!

I cup nuts and drive firemen to war?

Jan 3, 2006 @ 11:39:32

Re: look paul, no words!

Pull my finger, cowboy, first thing in the morning
start my fire with a lot of men!

Jan 2, 2006 @ 20:30:05

Re: definite defenestration

My favorite part was -- oh, I wasn't invited.


Dec 31, 2005 @ 11:27:44

Re: chicago, here I come

Where is Xopl, where is Xopl, ding ding dong, ding ding dong.

Dec 30, 2005 @ 21:24:53

Re: chicago, here I come

Pamela: I'm a HOT girl!

Dec 30, 2005 @ 03:32:30

Re: another quiz

Shit yeah, I'm Mae West, too!

Dec 30, 2005 @ 03:24:54

Re: stealing jesse's thunder (x2)


Dec 30, 2005 @ 03:24:02

Re: chicago, here I come

I resolve to stop being a girl!

Dec 28, 2005 @ 12:45:47

Re: dora the explorer's death

*I* want a National Geographic subscription!

Dec 28, 2005 @ 12:43:53

Re: remember the good ole days?


Dec 22, 2005 @ 03:28:43

Re: politics, please ignore (2)

Occasionally I make the snow say obscene things. I like making snow.

Dec 20, 2005 @ 22:26:14

Re: merry ax-mas

I could make the snow query a server to find out what it should say.

Dec 19, 2005 @ 00:05:04

Re: best blonde joke ever

Just keep clicking...

Dec 14, 2005 @ 19:25:52

Re: so much for mpls

I have two finals on a National Holiday?

Dec 13, 2005 @ 17:23:15

Re: ho ho hogwarts

Zach, some day when you and a woman love eachother very much, or you at least have five dollars...

Dec 13, 2005 @ 17:22:35

Re: gone daddy gone


Dec 12, 2005 @ 15:20:11

Re: black orv... bullet holes

But the worst thing I ever done, I mixed up fake puke at home...
...and I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket...
...climbed up to the balcony...
...and then I made a noise like this...
Huhhhhh! HUHHHHH!
And then I dumped it over the side...
...on all the people in the audience. Then...

Then this was horrible.

All the people started getting sick and throwing up on each other.
I never felt so bad in my entire life.

Dec 12, 2005 @ 13:47:39

Re: the yolk's on you

How about no seconds, since it's me and I have a list of comments ready in my brain in advance to make you laugh until beer shoots out of your nose, and then you're all "oh my god, I had beer left in my nose all this time? Why wasn't I drinking that! Now that nose beer is WASTED! WASTED! and I'm not!"

So much for me getting a ton of work done while you are in meetings.

Dec 12, 2005 @ 13:46:05

Re: black orv... bullet holes

Sloth love chunk!

Dec 12, 2005 @ 10:25:42

Re: the yolk's on you

You have to sing the DOT COM! part.


Dec 12, 2005 @ 10:12:02

Re: ho ho horror

I don't know if Zach is serious (that would be a rare occasion indeed), but I am.

Dec 11, 2005 @ 02:51:59

Re: ho ho horror

I'll show you 500 words!

Dec 10, 2005 @ 16:43:24

Re: drop me a line

You didn't spend the entire weekend at the mall -- witness the spreading of watermelon sauce.

I can't believe that Paul said that I was drunk.

Dec 7, 2005 @ 14:01:12

Re: ho ho hogwarts

Can I go, too? Oh. I have class and I still have to watch the first three movies. Well, the second and third movies, but it has been so long that -- FINE. I GET IT.

Dec 7, 2005 @ 13:34:50

Re: someone set us up the joke

You still should have said it.

Dec 7, 2005 @ 11:43:16

Re: ho ho horror

"Meanest Bitch You'll Ever Love"

Dec 7, 2005 @ 11:40:08

Re: it sucks! [rimshot]

I actually used to run TPS reports.

Dec 7, 2005 @ 10:01:35

Re: ho ho horror

Half of the women whom I have dated in the last four years read my blog. They actually make up the builk of my readership.

Dec 7, 2005 @ 01:19:54

Re: ho ho horror


Just because YOU can leave links in your comments.

Show off.

I LOVE trite and self-indulgent. Who cares about deep commentary that changes the course of the world, even by tiny bits and pieces. People want to read about human frailties -- they want to read about unrequited love and tragic mistakes. I intent to make as many of those as I can, just to keep my blog interesting.

I'll leave xopl to consider whether or not a url to my real blog is appropriate. He is my boss, after all.

Dec 6, 2005 @ 14:16:54

Re: ho ho horror

Hey, your lj ain't too bad.

Dec 6, 2005 @ 14:13:03

Re: ho ho horror

You have a livejournal? I want tequila, not vodka, but whatever.

Dec 5, 2005 @ 21:37:15

Re: ho ho horror

"I think she's docking a boat in the harbor"

Dec 4, 2005 @ 22:20:15

Re: oh my god it's snooowing!

This mountain is pure snow! Do you have any idea what the street value of this mountain is?

Dec 2, 2005 @ 14:00:04

Re: rip roaring revelation

I didn't get an invi- oh. Yeah.

If you need me, I'll be drinking in the office. Alone.

Dec 1, 2005 @ 23:56:54

Re: salty satire sans subterfuge

So then tonight Paul sends me a link to a site with THIS JOKE ON IT:
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!



Dec 1, 2005 @ 21:36:15

Re: fortunate cnn.com headline zen

gah! Oh! whew. did that get in your eyes? I'll get some wet wipes...

Dec 1, 2005 @ 21:30:42

Re: fortunate cnn.com headline zen

"Bush pulls out of Iraq, sprays all over face."

Dec 1, 2005 @ 15:15:10

Re: salty satire sans subterfuge

...or a dead baby clown.

Dec 1, 2005 @ 11:27:36

Re: salty satire sans subterfuge

I'm drunk right now. I don't actually have a midterm. HA ha.

Nov 29, 2005 @ 21:10:55

Re: unfortunate cnn.com headline zen

He totally has to come to the zombie pub crawl in spring. I got my t-shirt, by the way. I never heard from Claudia again. This is where the Price is Right sad music plays.

Nov 28, 2005 @ 10:57:41

Re: why not

can't stop laughing while eating

Nov 28, 2005 @ 08:31:42

Re: also known for the flintstone flop

You know, the DJs don't know that we blog about them, and if they did, wouldn't they be terrified?

Nov 28, 2005 @ 08:28:19

Re: a skeksis would be worse

So creepy.

Nov 26, 2005 @ 21:52:43

Re: der gobbley gobbley


Nov 26, 2005 @ 01:31:12

Re: geneva what now?


Nov 26, 2005 @ 01:23:55

Re: der gobbley gobbley

If you were here, we would have gone to Grumpys. OH SNAP, I ALREADY WENT!

It's not the same, jerkweed. Come back! DRINK!

Nov 24, 2005 @ 17:49:20

Re: der gobbley gobbley

Your first problem is that you are using Microsoft Paint. That and Photoshop are the only things that want to make upper case extensions on my windows box.

Nov 22, 2005 @ 14:45:55

Re: no fucking way

MMMmmm bop!

Nov 21, 2005 @ 12:19:01

Re: eye walk the line

They are certainly t3h hotness. This must be why Zach gets all the babes.

Nov 20, 2005 @ 02:48:48

Re: eye walk the line

Are you old enough to have had the alternate glaucoma test where they actually touched your eyeball with a red hot poker? Well, maybe it wasn't a hot iron, but my memory is of sheer terror and suffering. They touched your eye with a thing, and then there was a lot of crying.

Nov 18, 2005 @ 08:04:51

Re: [title]

And now I'm reading it in the morning! Hooray!

Guess whose server just needed to have a stick of RAM pulled out! Mine! Hooray!

Nov 17, 2005 @ 23:47:13

Re: [title]

Hooray! See! Now I'm reading this post at night so I don't have to read it during the day!

Nov 17, 2005 @ 15:05:20

Re: dear bus that I love

My hands never left the wheel. This is why I can't get a date.

Nov 16, 2005 @ 22:17:35

Re: dear bus that I love

MMMmmmmMMmMmmmm stinky panties. Wait. What?

Nov 16, 2005 @ 15:27:08

Re: dear bus that I love

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Zach

Nov 16, 2005 @ 15:06:12

Re: dear bus that I love

Awww, if you weren't funny would I laugh at you as much as I do?

I mean, laugh at your antics.


Look, man, uh, JFC Chicken I read your blog like 30 times a day. I'm obviously coming back for something. Why do you think that I wake up in the morning? I mean, in the afternoon?

Nov 16, 2005 @ 14:32:30

Re: dear bus that I love

Zach isn't funny, though.

Nov 16, 2005 @ 13:31:09

Re: dear bus that I love

The next time you see her, just be all "we have to keep meeting like this." Then, when she looks at you with shock in her eyes, say "okay, sorry about that, but you seem to be everywhere that I want to be, so maybe we should actually intentionally be somewhere together. Would you like to grab a beer or some coffee some time?"

Then, throw up on her.

Nov 16, 2005 @ 03:19:57

Re: shroud of turin's origin revealed

Dear Boss Whom I Really Like Working With,
I think that you know where this comment is going, but just in case, I'm going to tell you anyway, because other people might read it and wonder "just where is that comment going, anyway?"

Please post more during the late evening hours so I can have at least a momentary break from the constant, unrelenting, painful, burning crying.

Yours truly,

Nov 15, 2005 @ 13:19:20

Re: rolling [snowballs] in his grave

Snow > Rain

Nov 15, 2005 @ 13:18:12

Re: i'm smart, your not

I like monkeys.

Nov 14, 2005 @ 15:57:22

Re: on blogs and dates

Just because you are too lazy to have date-based archives...

Nov 11, 2005 @ 14:56:16

Re: it keeps getting better

Xopl's hits aren't increasing, but I'm getting hits like crazy from Xopl. Unfortunately, they are all to my doodlebops business, which is really just embarrassing.

Nov 11, 2005 @ 12:36:59

Re: mmmbop, doodle bop





Nov 9, 2005 @ 13:14:57

Re: vegetarians are eating the rainforest!

It is interesting that girls get lonely around the holidays? Even the lesbians that I seem to unintentionally favor? Perhaps having a fetish for comfortable shoes is a bad thing.

Why aren't I drunk right now?

Nov 9, 2005 @ 13:13:38

Re: ha ha randy kelly

You are the ones who are ball-lickers!

Nov 8, 2005 @ 19:12:09

Re: fourteen-four, and ten years ago

Oh yeah, 2400 baud. Twenty-four hundred.

Nov 8, 2005 @ 19:10:14

Re: fourteen-four, and ten years ago

I remember the murky time before gopher. I remember when telnetting was something you wouldn't get in trouble for. Plain text! ANSI animations!

In my day, there was no interlink.

Nov 8, 2005 @ 19:06:16

Re: fuck fox news

Oh, sure, NOW you tell me that Sprint does the whole Fuck and Run business. Where were you when I was letting Sprint buy me dinner and put its hands up under my shirt? Now the third date is tomorrow, and what am I supposed to say?

Who am I kidding, I put out on the first date. Sprint hasn't called since.

Nov 6, 2005 @ 15:18:31

Re: tend to my knitting

Women scientists are my weakness. Actually, you can cross "scientists" out of that sentence and it will still be correct, but, uh, I have no idea where this is going.

Nov 4, 2005 @ 15:50:38

Re: what's your hurry?

Or he was really motivated! BTW, it's probably a bad idea to have a noose in one's backyard.

Nov 3, 2005 @ 10:02:07

Re: a plague of locus

That's why my server crashes every few hours -- because it is angry with me for not paying attention to it. You know what, I'M SORRY THAT I HAVE TO SLEEP!

Oct 31, 2005 @ 22:11:12

Re: i didn't have any turnips

Are you still at work? Did you eat all of the Halloween candy that I bought?

Oct 31, 2005 @ 15:51:05

Re: jesse's party

I'm really surprised that the neighborhood did not end up on fire.

Oct 31, 2005 @ 01:40:26

Re: jesse's party

There's a screen door there?

Okay, wait. Hold on. There is a more important thing here: there was a PARTY at my house? When did that happen? Maybe I drink too much.

If there WERE a party at my house then I would blame myself for any ruination. Then I would lie down under my bed and weep...

...more than usual.

Oct 28, 2005 @ 00:56:06

Re: down with peter lansky homepage

Time to suck up to be your loyal minion.

I mean SIGN UP.

Oct 26, 2005 @ 22:07:53

Re: sorry about your pants

For those of you who don't know, Hugh is the thing that I applaud when Zach stands up.

Encore. Encore, I say!

Oct 26, 2005 @ 00:38:27

Re: someone set us up the rss

Every day the Decemberists grow on me a little more.

Oct 26, 2005 @ 00:37:18

Re: title too tremendous

Thanks for saying that I'm awesome, Paul.

Oct 26, 2005 @ 00:34:24

Re: just don't die

Is watermelon sauce like Melonade?

Oct 26, 2005 @ 00:30:53

Re: sorry about your pants

Where is the password field? I can't figure out how to log in?

Oct 23, 2005 @ 23:00:57

Re: i'll think up a title later

Sometimes when he stands up I yell "Encore!"

Oct 23, 2005 @ 22:42:06

Re: i'll think up a title later

I can barely sit across the desk from Zach, because he's so ridiculously huge.

Oct 21, 2005 @ 23:18:28

Re: i'll think up a title later

Please to rss.

Oct 21, 2005 @ 23:14:39

Re: breaking fall news

Oh man, how drunk was I that night? I didn't even remember falling.

Oct 19, 2005 @ 14:14:18

Re: braaaaaiiiiinnnss!

Hooray! We met Lindsey and I halfway almost hit on her!

Oct 17, 2005 @ 22:49:27

Re: braaaaaiiiiinnnss!

If anyone is wondering, that's Jacquie's site. She's not dead! Or undead!

Oct 17, 2005 @ 20:09:50

Re: braaaaaiiiiinnnss!

Whew. Claudia sprinkled some holy water on me. It burned at first, but now I feel so much better.

Oct 17, 2005 @ 15:59:52

Re: braaaaaiiiiinnnss!

I have NO IDEA what I said. I'll send a blanket apology via email.

Oct 17, 2005 @ 15:54:22

Re: braaaaaiiiiinnnss!

Zach is just sitting there laughing at me. I'm gonna go bury myself, because I am mortified.

Oct 17, 2005 @ 00:07:43

Re: braaaaaiiiiinnnss!

Oh yeah, that's when we were leaving and you were missing, and then Malory was all "he's hitting on some chick" and we were all "oh Zombie Christ I am not going back for him."

Sorry about that.

Oct 16, 2005 @ 21:34:02

Re: braaaaaiiiiinnnss!

It's always nice to give one's boss a facial, especially if he swallows.

Oct 16, 2005 @ 21:31:30

Re: braaaaaiiiiinnnss!

zombiewaitress? Is this you? In the front?

Oct 16, 2005 @ 16:46:29

Re: braaaaaiiiiinnnss!

Why does everything taste like rum?

Oct 15, 2005 @ 00:11:49

Re: mupuls zombie pub crawl!!!!!!!