With old Samhain right around the corner, I thought I'd give you all some tips:
1. For large groups of trick-or-treaters, always set at least one child ablaze, ensuring enough light that other children won’t trip over uneven pavement.
2. Only separate shards of X-Acto blades from rodent poison once you get home; doing so in the dark will lead to inevitable mixups and tummyaches for youngsters with allergies.
3. If a close-fitting mask causes your child to fall down a well, use fishing line and a paper clip to retrieve her goodie bag. Nobody likes wet candy.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin--or any other language that they should not know--burn them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. This also applies to children who speak with somebody else's voice.
5. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.
6. If you're searching for something that caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET OUT!
Read more tips here or here.
Jesse shared this with me, so I thought I'd pass it on to you:
You're MY boo...
I don't want no scrubs
I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger
you missed out on am awesome pub crawl! photos on my lj. there's a panty shot! I feel like Paris Hilton.
In keeping with halloween fun, try out The Love Pumkin online game. It's a fun quiz where you are tested on how good you are on a date. Fun!
Actually, it's this... (sorry). Give it a go!
I'll give you a love pumpkin!
I think you mean, FUCK PUMPKIN
A man is driving home late one night and is feeling very horny. As he is passing a pumpkin patch, his mind starts to wander. He thinks to himself, you know a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there is no one around here for miles. He pulls over to the side of the road, picks out a nice juicy looking pumpkin, cuts the appropriate size hole in it, and begins to screw the pumpkin.
After a while he is really into it, and doesn't notice the police car pulling up. The cop walks over and says, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?"
The man looks at the cop in complete horror, thinks fast and says, "A pumpkin? Is it midnight already?"
A pumpkin eh...
Jesus Xopl update your fucking site already!