Profile: You are a very boring person.
Well, next time! :)
I can't believe you came to Chicago & didn't call me!
Is this b/c I don't like your little sketch-pictures website? Or b/c I don't read your blog regularly? ;_;
ANCIENT CHINESE SECRET
Those dogs aren't trained to sniff out drugs for personal use. They're trained to sniff out drug traffickers. I've only ever seen dogs in customs, coming back from Mexico. And they didn't detect my dime bag, or my contraband limes.
You're right of course. BUT it's a lot safer / better odds than trying to buy a bag at my vaca-destination. It only took one time to figure that out.
ppl keep telling me i'm an idiot for traveling w/ pot brownies. But I never get stopped.
I thought it was Xaq.
yay freezer snowman! That's amazing.
well, do i get to meet the wonderful Dani, or what??
How do you feel about a mid-June visit from me? I want to come back to MN and check out the scene for reals.
ewwwwww beetle lipstick!!! awesome
Are you reading icanhazcheeseburger tooooooooo????
Humourous Spanking Essays! why didn't I see this before??
that apology sounds/looks sarcastic, but it's not
ha ha ha. Sorry I called you a hick. I just excited about the Pringles. I was pretty mad when I was eating them. But I couldn't stop.
You know, it's funny... that insult just doesn't bear the same weight w/ most of my friends. I throw it around a lot, and the reaction is "what does that even mean...?" So, I forget.
i mean YES, they are delicious
p.s. ummmmmmm pizza pringles HELLO delicious
WHAT i tried these two weeks ago you fucking hicks.
p.s. I don't endorse the sweet potato sugar/cinnamon either
Hey! I was there that day! Did you know my mom moved to Oregon? haha oh man
Can I be the Damn Tramp?? I think I can be pretty trampy.
yep, it's the same show.
I love Pythagoras Switch!!
They teach children the math!!
I fucking hate centipedes so goddamn much.
But I love my wii!
apparently your sex doesn't please Lord Xopl!
No, those people have to buy YOU presents, Jesse.
no sex = no gifts
I thought of you when I saw this, Lord Xopl
I didn't get a fucking STICKER!!!!!! I JUST GOT A LAMEASS RECEIPT!!!!! I'M NEVER VOTING AGAIN
I think you mean, FUCK PUMPKIN
A man is driving home late one night and is feeling very horny. As he is passing a pumpkin patch, his mind starts to wander. He thinks to himself, you know a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there is no one around here for miles. He pulls over to the side of the road, picks out a nice juicy looking pumpkin, cuts the appropriate size hole in it, and begins to screw the pumpkin.
After a while he is really into it, and doesn't notice the police car pulling up. The cop walks over and says, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?"
The man looks at the cop in complete horror, thinks fast and says, "A pumpkin? Is it midnight already?"
you missed out on am awesome pub crawl! photos on my lj. there's a panty shot! I feel like Paris Hilton.
I don't want no scrubs
It's not really all that cute. Look at the eyes and ears! That cat is ready to bite your fucking face off.
I would too, for a tootsie pop.
uhhhmmmmmm, toasted pinenuts, my fave (and often overlooked) Pesto ingredient. That sounds amazing!
i'm wet for internet nostalgia
nice new layout! Are you reading World War Z?? b/c you should be.
I think that's a good thing!
I am totally buying one.
How come I never get any drunk dials? ;_;
Now you're talking!
I like screamy music with girls. Made Out of Babies is good.
WE SHALL AVENGE HIM!!
Okay, I lied. I'm not coming. Various crazy reasons. I am pretty sad about it, too.
okay, OKAY. I will be there. Along w/ my boyfriend, most likely. I am trying to round up a few friends, maybe not the hotttttt ones, maybe just the *cute* ones.
you arrrrr NO help.
I'm having a difficult time getting my friends excited.
You are making me almost guilty enough to go buy a bus ticket right now. I will let you know for sure this week. In the meantime, please let me know - what is the weather going to be like up there? and what kind of pirate costume should I wear?
Fuck pirates AND zombies. There, I said it. I am going to stay home and play Dead Rising instead.
post: do you love the Venture Bros? http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/view.php?StoryID=20060824-111050-4855r
We all love anal probing and it's only fair that we all get a turn.
You are going to miss the Anal Probing!!!
oh wait, I see paularms just offered to help you out with that
yeeah. I met a chick on Friday who was all, "I don't know what you are talking about. Snakes on a Plane? Sounds weird."
LOOK AT YOUR HAIRY ARMS
Second one was actually NASTEE
bikes and alcohol do NOT mix. Just ask my sister how she woke up confused, on the side of the road, with one shoe.
That guitar is perfect for my new hair! Yes, I deserve it.
You can cure depression with Ice Cream! and New Shoes!
oh, also... I read an article in the LA Times where the writer quoted someone saying "Let's get crunk!" and she translated crunk to mean "Crazy Drunk." Which I found to be quite humorous, as crunk is actually a type of music. But it is also those other things too.
YES! Soon I will be as famous as Lord Xopl! And then, *surely* someone will begin to stalk me!! Thank you for making my dreams come true.
gives a whole new meaning (and visual) to the phrase "foaming at the mouth"
I am *counting* on the bomb-sniffing (rabid) dogs.
I'm not anytime soon. But the mere thought of losing my lipgloss has got my panties in a twist! Speaking of panties... no, that "liquid" joke is for another time.
Be sure to stop at the Bellagio! Gorgeous. I also loved the Venetian and the Luxor. Lots of kids around Excalibur, I didn't stay there long. Monte Carlo, MGM, NYNY were nice too. Caesar's Palace has the best shopping.
Stick to the strip and skip downtown Vegas. Unless you are going for that auth oldschool feeling (dingy Vegas). I know it will be hard for you to avoid Circus Circus--but it wasn't really worth it. The bar wasn't spinning or anything--boo!
I didn't play any poker while I was there; the ante was too high. Skip the slots, seriously, they are boring and will give you a headache. I highly rec Blackjack; that's where I won some cash. And what is that bingo-kinda game with the funny name... whatevs that was okay too, I won some money there.
My lipgloss is going to be fucking confiscated, what?! ummmmmmmmmm, hello! Lipgloss is crit. This is no laughing matter!
yeah, you like that?
I am going to see The Descent tonight.
Space Pirate Alien Mutant Cum-Loving Hardcore Anal Zombies 14
p.s. I'd hit that
Space + Alien = redundancy
how about alien ninja-pirate zombies
I need to plan out my September.
You should all be thanking me for deigning to judge your blog entries.
not that funny
I was planning on it, but b/c I wanted to see Zach, not b/c I have an overwhelming desire to dress up like a zombie and drink w/ crazy Minnesotans. Sept 9th is also my brother's b-day.
does that mean you don't like crab rangoon (you fucking freak)?
oh i left a comment but it did't work
Well, I think you should dress as a zombie for your bro's wedding. And get wasted.
Coughing makes it tighter, as does laughing
(or so I hear)
I'll fucking race you.
I love this joke, and I love being blonde.
And then maybe they could make a graph overlaying the average IQ of citizens in those areas. But we might lose. So maybe not.
I fainted in public a couple times during a bad mushroom trip - much like the scene you described. Except my friends helped me up and kept me from really hurting myself. Fun times.
it's not really funny
Beards are sexy. I don't know why...
Why does my work block BoingBoing?
I have lots of feelings.
I found a project and thought of you
It's on my calendar!
dammit. Well, how about July 8, or July 22? The 22nd would be better for me. I can't travel in June b/c I have rehearsal every weekend.
Hey, Jesse, that's a good idea. Hmmm I never thought of that.
I liked the Squid&Whale. That's what it's like in real life, Zach. REAL LIFE
My roommate has three cats. Never does a box lay empty for more than 15 minutes at a time.
one more reason for me to wish I had a penis
NOT FAIR GOD DAMN IT
Did you just say "Education yourself" - ?
You know, I started my secret love blog. It's not very clever or anything. I just thought I should tell you, since I totally stole that title idea you came up with.
wait, what's a swass?
I love that Sleater-Kinney song. But it's possible that you may need to get a life.
There's something about greasemonkeys that makes me uncontrollably horny for them. I know other girls must agree. Go get dirty, Zach!
you *did* mention me! YES
I want my awesome picture!
Yes, I did notice.
includes s/b include
For Real! As I walked from my office to the bus stop last Friday, I was like, "wtf, is it Illegal Immigrant Day today, or something??" The parade went right by my office and I never knew anything about it. And I watch the news.
Are all of your entries going to be about politics now?? BORING
Hey I am going to be in your neighborhood the weekend of March 24th, and I believe you owe me a night out.
Oh, xopl, you're so popular!
Thanks, this is really <strike>sexy</strike> interesting.
Yeah, but look at these guys! They make me LOL
jessie, are you stalking me? Neat!
I forgot about your bday D:
George W can rape me any time. You know I get off on that sick shit.
you know what when I was in FL this week w/ my dad & stepmom, Jen kept telling me how she had to call your sister Megan b/c she ordered some jewelry and had to get it to Megan before she left for her trip.
As soon as I hop off George W's dick, you guys are all welcome to sloppy seconds. And/or thirds.
I don't really feel strongly about it, I was just curious to hear your opinions. imo, whether it was respectful is a moot point-- when you're in politics you should expect it, and I doubt any of the Kings were shocked or offended. Lowery made the decision to use the funeral as a soapbox--it was not altogether inappropriate, but not a choice I would have made.
Yeah but do you think her funeral was really an appropriate arena for that?
So what's the next step then?
Do I win your game? I'm confused.
Okay, I believe you now. I can't believe I've never heard of this!
I'm gonna come back and read this when I'm high.
jmullan, I <3 you.
Will you be my blog boyfriend?
Hey, disease-ridden sluts can be nice girls. *points to self*
"I could blog about how much my fucking back hurts and how I'm going to the doctor tomorrow."
So you're sleeping with a disease-ridden nympho? Well, that's the conclusion I would draw, anyways.
war on porn?!?!?
Yeah, but have your seen this guy's website?
Hey, I'm no more of a bitch than Satan!
The devil gave us a wrong number! Just like I give ugly guys at bars my "number."
Fuck you too, Satan!
haha, that's right, i didn't invite you!
here is a cute shot of zachie: http://static.flickr.com/36/80424388_36b4d20a6a.jpg
I think that was my favorite part, too!
Woah, Jesse's a girl??
I'm Mae West. oh hell yeah
Zach, that "DUUUUUUUUUH!" really cuts me deep.
I got my t-shirt today! you are going to love it.
LED belt buckle?!? Bring that shit to NYE, I see much potential there.
i tried to read this very interesting political opinion, i really did. ...but then i got distracted trying to catch the snowflakes on my cursor. YAY!
I have issues
Oh, I love those IKEA ice cube trays! I have stars and hearts. Aren't the arrows hard to get out of the tray????
i don't get it
And voiced by John Goodman
oh, shit, you are serious? 'Cause I wrote 500+ words, I just didn't think anyone would be interested in that crap.
I'm Chicago too! alllllright
You should have said it!
Don't under estimate the power of denial. Blinders are requisite for any guy who falls for me.
Yeah, the work comment was in reference to me. But I suppose it applies to you as well. Get back to work! TPS reports!
How about you come up with a clever pseudonym for me?
I don't know where are this freetime at work is coming from.
Sounds like you're taking a classic porn a bit too far. A name for my column perhaps?
"Prettiest Mess" - I like it!
I've got 618 words already.
"Sex and the Windy City" (LAME-O)
Really? Hmm I will have to consider that. I assume I will need to write a few columns and send them to you for approval? But first - a snappy name!
mmmmmmm, Linkification... *drool*
Well, hmm. I've been itching to write in detail about my tumultulous love life, but I've refrained since all sides of the triangle are on my friends list. (OMGfriendslistyay!!!11!) But if you think it would entertain...
Gee, thanks. You mean the layout isn't bad, or the content? 'Cause I think the content is pretty trite and self-indulgent.
You need to check my livejournal and tell me what kind of vodka you want for Xmas. Fool!
Alright. Well, then. I guess I got it.
dude. What is your current email address?
That's the path I'm always on.
..or a dead baby.
Sounds like hotness. Prada. Mmmmm.
I need a sarcastic tag
THIS CAREENED OUT OF CONTROL
Seriously. Use one of those HAWT pickup lines you shared with me the other day.
No, here's what you should do. Compliment her on the most unusual thing accessory she is wearing. Something you may not normally notice. Like her belt, her socks, her barrettes. If she doesn't bite, ask her where she got it. Just keep her talking. And then crack some of your famously hilarious jokes.
If you registered v14gr4.com I will seriously think you are really cool. For like 3.4 hours.
it was 60 in Chicago last week
Your sweet ass is content enough, don't you think?
Do you feel the pressure to keep your blog entries interesting? Minneapolis is reading!
OH SHIT, YOU'RE FAMOUS
LOL @ the crying emoticon.
Buck up there, Zach! Girls get lonely around the holidays - take advantage.
Yeah, Sprint fucked me too. And never called again. Sometimes I feel like a whore.
i love it when you use your blog to stick it to The Man
Ryan Lubinski is on Friendster, too. But he hasn't found me yet!!
Oh yeah... did you get invited to teh 5-year? Cuz I sure as fuck did NOT get an invitation.
That makes sense. Actually, I was just talking you up a couple weeks ago, when I was up in Appleton. I was hanging out with Matt Decoster and Taylor Henn and I mentioned your old website. So the world just buzzes with your name!
so you DO read my journal! asshole.
yeah my html skillz are teh suck. Although I don't remember typing that semi-colon. Whatevs!
Combo of attention-whoring and drunkenness.
Hey, did you carve punkins this year? I did Nightmare Before Xmas ones that turned out really good. Wanna see a picture?
hay i went to see The Decemberists in Chicago!! They were fucking amazing@ Whheeee!
The mouse could have grabbed the feathers and used them for its nest. I'd guess a rodent, probably dead already. But the smell of a dead mouse is very specific. Oh, now I just have to know!
One of the Mahlik twins?? That's kuh-raazy!
Hey, by the way! I *finally* picked up a Le Tigre album. They are fucking awesome-- exactly what I like. Why didn't I listen to you sooner???
I'm not signing up for shit! I can't come visit this month. But I am going to try and catch a few of those bands when they hit Chicago soon.
Wow! I want to see it. You need to post some pics.
I AM admiring! I am going to steal this idea. I love my pin collection, and I'd love to showcase it like this. Awesome, Zach!
I still like Butter Face
Darn you and your stupid quicktime! dammit.
hey i haven't read in a while. that's all.
I hope you were eating your Blizzard while in the back seat of the squad car.
yeah, and everyone else's favorite too
Sorry, Sith, I'm here now.
How about that Zach? What a geek he is! Ha ha, loooser!
Still no Chicago blog, huh? That's it, send me your sunglasses back! I'm going to hold them hostage until I get some blog love.
If there's grass on the field, right xz???
I like it when guys talk down to me... But not as much as I like watching Laura Prepon get all hot and bothered.
girls are nice to look at
ummm, yeah! I still hang out with Matt Decoster from time to time-- A proper Beer Bitch keeps on her quarters. I suck, though, so I just talk a lot of shit and end up really wasted.
Then we could play quarters on your ass! sweet.
that's a lame line
I'm not asking for a custom blog. I just want everyone to hear about how awesome I am, and how you had such a great time, and you wish you lived here b/c Chicago is the best evar.
the chicago blog better be fucking rad
Why-- is there a new way to sit on pickles? Damn, I'm always behind the trends.
There's def not enough smut here
Hope your results are positive! ...Or negative. Whichever one is better.
Did you delete the "secret" page link?
MG I want coffee now... time for a little trip to Greektown! Have you ever had Turkish coffee? I had it once at an Indian restaurant - mmm-MM!
i'm glad that my bitching still inspires you
Mitch Hedberg died.
And you need more funny stuff!
damn that didn't work out like i wanted it to
New Plan: Trick xopl into communicating something important to me over AIM. ha HA!
hey, where's my birthday well-wishes???
Do you feel better about yourself now?
at least I have a job, you fucking math hippies!
you guys are fucking dorks.
i remember that lil site. good times.
Yeah, when that was on the news this AM, George said: "He killed himself? Huh. I don't know why-- he seemed like a happy guy."
Ah ha hahaha ha! HA.
just felt like posting a comment
yes! Finally, I can live my entire life via google. "google it" will take on a whole new meaning.
I await in anticipation the fresh, wholly improved chapter of my life.
goddamn, this conversation is fucking hawt
hey, i want to get in this
I share toothbrushes all the time. :D
I just googled naughty pictures at work!
Damn, I knew once what tekoki is... memory like a sieve. Well, that refreshed my memory at least.
I had a good dream, too. It was about sex. With man. Or was it two?
Duh, *Christie Love*! She's one bad mamma jamma!
"You under arrest, sugah!"
Actually, that was on the news this morning. The 6am news. I was on time for work today.
The protesters were referred to as "anarchists." That made me chuckle.
you know a pimp dont fuck his hoes.
I don't like my job... but I do like getting punished for being late. Which I am often.
What, sith, you want to tease *and* stroke Zach?
Oh, and Dan - I'm a little slow on the uptake. But I do realize that you hate me. You've been clearly telling me (screaming at me?) for many a year now. I still think you're just jealous of my lighter. Which some bitch stole.
Just kidding, I love you. So much it hurts. I take it all back.
sith, you must be desperate.
74, you are just jealous of my lighter. It matches my nails, dick!
Hey you are not that hot. I painted my lighter to match my polished nails.
Happy New Year! My party was very fun, probably more fun than you'll have all year. If you go to one party this year, make it Mine!
WPR is the only good thing about Wisconsin. Way better than Chicago public radio.
only an hour? That sucks. I love being a lightweight.
bitch, you're not getting cookies, I don't even know who you are! If what Zach was saying was mean and went something like this: "Gosh she is really annoying and she always talks to me but I don't like her. Gee, I wish I could get her to shut the fuck up," then there is a good chance it was me.
Zach, you should eat them all at once. They worked well on me but I am a cheap date.
where's the blog entry thanking me for the cookies?! Give me my propers, bitch.
have you ever read the W W Jacobs' story? it's a fun little short story...
that is fairly cute
Ah ha ha haha ha ha ha! I didn't want a rant - we've had this conversation before. But thanks anyway; it made me chuckle.
give it up already. ren & stimpy are done. they're gone. Oh, and they were not the first cartoon ever made that adults liked, by the way.
I don't need to follow your rules. You're the bitch! Bitch.
I just like something to chew after I suck for a while. Something that squishes between my teeth.
it all depends on your priorities, zachary. Although "hookers and blow" is more conducive to the double meaning.
Historically, my answer has been a cherry tootsie pop.
Although I also think that cinnamon lollies are sexy.
yes, yes... I could have proved my geekdom once again. Damn you!
Actually, I think you had the first post on one of your previous entries. Although I *would* have been the first "first post!" Hmmm.