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That sums up the night nicely.

Aug 15, 2010 @ 04:26

"So... Thirty jalapeƱo burgers, and twenty chicken rings?!?!"



[All food entirely devoured from the back of a U Haul rental van.]

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that's not lettuce

Feb 14, 2009 @ 11:27

This story is true, only names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Last night I went out with the waffle for a kind of pre-birthday Friday night dinner at a Uncommon Toots. It seemed like a great decision at the time because they were having a two-for-one deal on their entres if you mentioned Tweeter. Waffle I think really wanted to go to the DD Dlub instead, and that may have been very prophetic of her.

So we go up and put in our orders, right? (Right.) I ordered a Schlepard's Pile and a Mission of Squirrely to drink. Waffle ordered the Rice-Otho (which was free cause of the deal) and an Angrious to drink. They gave us the number 4 and told us to have a seat, and they would bring it out.

After a brief dispute, 3 minutes of silence, and 7 minutes of sitting there doing other things -- our beer had still not arrived. We went back and forth on who should go up to ask about it. If we should go up to ask about it. Finally I made a move.

I go up to the register, and say "hi" to the barista. She says "HEYKRRRZZZZSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH." (she was making a latte. that was the sound of the steam.) She's clearly busy.

A minute later of me standing there, some other employee guy comes up to the register. I say hi to him, and he turns to the lady standing to the left of me and tries to help her first instead. The lady is so surprised by this that she doesn't even say anything at all, so the employee guy turns back to me, and I say, "Hi" again. "Hey, I don't know if you guys usually bring the drinks out with the food," I say non-confrontationally, "but we'd be happy to take them now instead." Employee guy says, "oh no, we usually do the drinks right away. there must have been a mix up. what did you have? I'll bring it out."

I go and sit back down. Employee guy comes 'round in about a minute with our food first, then he comes back with the Mission of Squirrely, and finally the single pint of Angrious for waffle.

The Squirrely Mission was awesome. I especially liked their Not-Harsh, and I hope they sell it in the stores.

The Schlepard's Pile was quite tasty... it had buffalo meat in it. Tasted just like beef to me. I did have to pick out one large bay leaf, but no harm, no foul.

I had a few bites of my little side salad that came with the Pile. Pretty tasty. "hmm... wow" I think to myself "that's the biggest piece of lettuce I've ever seen in my whole life. Funny color, too." I use my fork to lift up and inspect this humongous brown single leaf of lettuce soaking in dressing on my plate. The waffle say, "is that... is that a paper towel?"

full stop.

"yes. yes it *is* a paper towel."


No, ok: no vomit. Just no more salad. I knew I had to say something to the staff, but I didn't want to do it in front of the long line of customers that had recently formed. "what the fuck is this paper towel doing in my salad? [throws plate onto counter in front of 12 customers who haven't ordered yet]" I didn't want to do that.

The line for ordering at the counter by this time was so long that there are customers standing near where we are sat eating. One of them is staring at us, and finally asks what it is that I am eating.

"Schlepard's Pile." I say.

"Is it good?" the customer asks.

"Yes. Very good." I respond. "(Just don't get the salad.)" I say under my breath.

The crowd clears out a bit, so I go up to the counter and lean in kind of close to the employee to signify I'm about to whisper. "hey, I didn't want to make a scene earlier, so I waited. There's a napkin or paper towel in my salad."

The employee, she's the same one who forgot our drinks just for the record, says "What?! I'm so sorry! I'll come over!"

She sees the problem with my salad. Apologizes some more. Comes to the same conclusion we did that it probably was used to pat the leaves dry or something, and never got taken out.

She insists on refunding my part of the meal, and bringing me a new salad (I said I really did not want another salad, but oh well.) That was nice of her.

I used a bit of the refund to buy some Cream Burntly for dessert. It was runny.

The end.

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