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liar liar, anus on fire?

<< Mar 24, 2005 @ 02:17 >>

So this gentleman approached me in the grocery store tonight and was looking for a specific kind of toilet paper with aloe, vitamin E, and to quote him, "and it had something else in it, too. Cumin? Cardimon? ... Something."

I find him some T.P. with aloe and vitamin E, but the elusive third ingredient is not present in any of them. There was kind of a silence after he told me what he was looking for and as I was walking down the aisle to find it. That's when he came out with this gem:

"Cause that kind is softer on my nose. It doesn't scratch my nose as much. Some of that other toilet paper isn't so soft on my nose. It makes my nose red, but this kind is really soft on my nose."

Good one, buddy. Between you taking a long pause to think up a cover story, and your completely unconvincing ramble, I think you and I both know you have a bit of a problem, and it isn't with your nose.

He's a fool for even thinking I'd care. Sore butt's are far from the most awkward things I have to deal with.

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March 24, 2005 @ 09:38:08

marilyn.pngsith33 (#999)

Though part of the linked entry could have resulted in sore butts, had the KY not been discovered.

Hooo boy....

March 25, 2005 @ 10:56:11

ufo.pngmpschuster (#1007)

Here's my dumbest story from my retail days. The context: I was working in a newsstand in San Diego, circa 2000. My customer was a fat, 40ish man with a spotty mustache who had just purchased a copy of Newsweek with pocket change.
Me: Would you like a bag for that? (Gets bag ready.)
Him: No. (Pause.) Save it for President Clinton - when he's in Leavenworth!
Me: Ok, sure. (Puts bag away.)
Him: And I'm not talking about a country club, I'm talking FEDERAL PRISON!
Me: You got it. (Starts looking around for billy club.)
Him: (Pauses, looks around, leaves.)

March 25, 2005 @ 13:10:05

coleco.pngxopl (#001)

I just thought of a great sticker. It would say in big letters: "Republicans are welcome" And then in really small letters: "to go fuck themselves." One could put it on their shop door.

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